Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Crown Victoria

60 S. 2nd St (btw Kent & Wythe)
Brooklyn, NY  11211
(917) 719-6072

Bathroom situation - 3 single-person units just past the bar in the back. Their fuckability isn’t great - and not because they’re not big enough, they are. It’s just that they’re in a bottlenecky part of the bar.
Takes credit cards? - the Visceralist’s credit is so bad these days that we need to raise our hand and wait till we’re called on before we can use any kind of plastic, so not entirely sure on this one. Yelp says they do though, so they probably do.
Crowded on weekends? - the back yard area does tend to get frothy mixy on the weekends, but the front patio doesn’t for some reason.
Seating - a bunch in the front and back yards, but less than zero inside. Commenters, what’s this place like in the winter?
Neighborhood - next door to this weird wine-bar-looking spot that’s always nearly empty. Fuck is that about? Fuck is going on there? Is anyone looking into that? Can someone look into that? Anway, CV is close to the East River.
Pretentious/assholes - wtf is up with folks who, when you’re selling concert tix on Craigslist, write to you a bunch of times asking you first if they’re still available, then sending you like 3 more emails asking you to just respond as to whether or not they’re gone. Fuck you, you entitled republican. If you haven’t gotten a response, what the hell do you think your answer is? And how does confirmation that they’re gone help you? Is your accountant hounding you to reconcile that outstanding $70 on your fucking stupid books, you idiot? Die.
Cost of Stella - $6. If you’re sitting in the front or back yard and have ordered it from a server, make sure they actually bring it to you before you pay for it and go home, go to sleep and wet dream about commenting on
What time people start showing up - Visceralist showed up on a recent Thursday for a going-away party (that was supposed to start at 6:30pm) at 7:15pm and no one was there yet for the party (embarrassing?), but there were 5 or 6 people hanging out at the bar. When we doubled back around 8:30pm after killing some time by walking around the corner, sitting on the curb and composing most of this post on our iPhone, it was appreciably fuller.
Bartender efficiency - you think the mgmt of bars in the LES/Wburg is like officially requiring bar/wait staff to go full-hipster, attire-wise? Or is it just a biased sample set? Not that we’re complaining, but what ever happened to, ah fuck it...nevermind.
Official Website - here. Features a specific section devoted to advertising their availability as a location for commercial/movie/tv/video shoots. Kinda brilliant.
Food? How late - standard American Pub stuff.
TVs? What's on - NOPE!
Guy:girl ratio - all your ex’s friends will be all up in here. Smile!
Toys - the backyard area is gravelly enough that you could prolly find a nice skipping stone and use it over on the East River. If you can get 6 skips on video and email it to mgmt, you get a voucher for a free beer. That’s not actually true and would be a terrible idea.  
Age of clientele - apparently, “yun” in DMV slang is used similarly to how we Yawkers use “yo.” “Yun” is derived from the other, more widely used slang term, “young’n” which itself is probably a shortened version of “young one.”
Space for dancing? - dancing in gravel?
Music medium, style & volume - shit, this new Muse album is more of that classic Muse shit that we know and love here at Visceralst HQ (the shameless trend-chasing stabs at dubstep notwithstanding). “Survival” in particular is particularly Musey. Kate Hudson’s pussy is a genius.
Specials or most popular drink - definitely not the wine. Which, in our experience, is a whole lotta liquid phooey. 

Monday, September 24, 2012

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Visceralist Review: The Master

Look at this fucking worthless piece of shit.

Thursday, September 13, 2012


Ever feel like your friends are done with you because they've started making inside jokes that you don't really get? It was all good just a week ago, everyone was clownin' on Jeff's triflin' ass. Suddenly though, you're asking "Wait, what...?" a little bit more often than everyone else, and your bombs just ain't landing like they used to. It's all good though, you just ain't quite up on that new shit like you used to be back in your 20's. It happens to all of us.  The Visceralist is here to put you up on that new slang shit right quick like right here, right now.

Cysing: Primarily used as a verb to describe when one is dubiously excited or innervated by a person/place/thing that wouldn't or shouldn't generally warrant such excitement. Example: "Remember when everyone was cysing mo farah?"
Derivation: dmv slang courtesy of the hot fiyastarters
Ending a tweet with a ?: Used to express comical confusion by use in conjunction with an otherwise normal statement. 
Example: "Seems like Michelle Obama's doing pretty well these days?" 
Derivation: probably dadboner

Read the rest at Put That Shit On the List...