Visceralist

Dixon Place

2012-05-16T19:18:00.000-04:00

161 Chrystie (btw Delancey & Rivington)

NYC, NY 10002

Bathroom situation - just past the lounge area which itself is just past the bar in front (on your right). There’s a communal unisex area with a shared basin that is abutted on its left and its right with 2 single-person closets each. So 4 total. Ladies, bear in mind that the far one on the left only contains a urinal, so unless you’re the kind of nasty girl who celebrates when the guy fingering you in the bathroom stops to pull his now blood-soaked fingers up to your face (like from epsiode 2 of Girls), then I suggest waiting for one of the other 3. Cuz that’s nasty.
Takes credit cards? - not at the bar, no. The area is replete with standalone ATMs, but Visceralist doesn’t fuck with them cuz of all those local news reports about card-skimmers which probably exaggerate the problem, but why risk it, just go to a bank. There’s a BofA and two Chase branches 3 blocks East on Delancey St.
Crowded on weekends? - so Dixon Place does double duty as a bar & theatre space. The performance space downstairs holds a gang of people, and as we all know, after the show it’s the after-party, and since there’s a bar right upstairs from the show, that’s where the after-party be at.
Seating - 10 or so stools around the bar and a large, mock-persian-carpeted area on the street-level. Seating for about 90 in the performance area.
Neighborhood - right on the LES/SoHo border so expect to get bypassed by yellow cabs and gouged by gypsy cabs. So fuck it, just move down here.

Read the rest at NYPress.com.

Sons of Essex

2012-05-11T18:34:00.001-04:00

133 Essex Street (btw Rivington & Stanton)

NYC, NY 10002

(212) 674-7100

Bathroom situation - Visceralist recently used the adjective “swanky” in a conversation with two art school seniors. They had no clue wtf I meant (and yeah, they actually spelled out “W-T-F”). Commenters, is Visceralist just getting old & flabby or was it just them being willfully ignorant? It was them, right? See, that’s what I thought. Anyway, the bathrooms at SoE are swanky as all get out.
Takes credit cards? - yes, and with no discernible minimum. The drinks here are fairly costly though, so perhaps it’s just never an issue cuz you hit it as soon as you even look at the drink menu (more on that later).
Crowded on weekends? - yes if consider the weekend to be Wed-Sun. If you’re getting dinner, then reservations is a must.
Seating - 10 or so stools at the bar, two long communal tables just opposite the bar, a restaurant-style setup w/ 10 or so tables in back. Fun fact! This spot used to be a shithole travesty called Mason-Dixon that featured a mechanical bull in the back. The “bullpen” area now features a sunken lounge with a DJ booth adjacent.
Neighborhood - the part of the LES that you take friends from out of town to in order to show off your big-city bonafides, you swanky scenester, you.
Pretentious/assholes - so SoE has chosen to employ this new faux-storefront gimmick that they most likely sharked from their across-the-street neighbor Beauty and Essex. Your out-of-town friends will likely find this to be pretty swanky, but I think we can all agree that, really, it’s kinda triflin’.

Read the rest at NYPress.com

St. Jerome's

2012-05-07T11:21:00.000-04:00

155 Rivington St. (btw Clinton & Suffolk)

NYC, NY 10002

(212) 533-1810

Bathroom situation - 2 in the way back part, both unisex. The one on the left is huge and tatted up. The one on the right has a missing doorknob, but it’s ok cuz the knob-hole has been filled in with duct tape and you can hold the door closed from the toilet if you have to sit down (so that’s a big “Phew!” for the ladies, I’d imagine).
Takes credit cards? - Yeah they do, but don’t do that. Speaking of don’t...how many folks out here thought it was “Downtown Abbey” for the longest?
Crowded on weekends? - oh hell yeah, fuckin’ right. Exhausting those max capacity signs is a must.
Seating - 4ish booths on the left wall, 8-10ish stools at the bar, and room for a small bachelor party in the bathroom on the left side. Oh yeah, as mentioned above, the one on the left is big. Plus it has a functional lock.
Neighborhood - so close to the heart of the LES that you may as well be suckin its tits on the subway (right, Blossom?).

Read the rest at NYPress.com.

Visceralist Review: King Ricky - "Derek"

2012-04-14T18:02:00.000-04:00

Look at this fucking brilliant piece of surprisingly affecting shit.

The Weeknd Live!

2012-04-11T13:26:00.000-04:00

Fucking finally. 4/25/12 at Music Hall of Williamsburg. 4/28/12 at Bowery Ballroom. Tickets on sale 4/12/12 at noon. Details here. Look at all that money!

Visceralist Review: The Kickdrums ' "Follow the Leaders"

2012-04-08T19:47:00.001-04:00

Look at this fucking new piece of hot shit.

Download here.

Video: King Diplo ft. Nicky Da B "Express Yourself"

2012-03-13T21:17:00.000-04:00

Check out my man Diplo on some mid '90s Diddy shit...all in the video...

Video: Nacho Picasso & Blue Sky Black Death - "Rammin"

2012-03-12T17:26:00.000-04:00

4 Sale: PTSOTL T-Shirts

2012-03-10T14:30:00.000-05:00

The fine folks at (Visceralist fave) Put That Shit On The List are selling the fine branded t-shirts you see here. Reasonable rates! Click here and get you one.

169 Bar

2012-03-01T15:33:00.001-05:00

169 E. Broadway (btw Pike & Rutgers)

NYC, NY 10002
(646) 833-7199

Bathroom situation - 2 single-person R. Kelly sex tapes just past the bar on the left. 1 M & 1 W. Grimey as "I don't know what." Commenters, what do you think was going on in the bathrooms at the Oscars? Other than the obvious, obvs. The obvious obviously being yard stick lines of that yola and BJs.
Takes credit cards? - yeah, they got that. Oh, pro-tip: having your credit card company check your credit score somehow lowers your credit score. Kenan Thompson, what's up with that?!
Crowded on weekends? - jumpin jehosaphat, yes! This is the only halfway decent bar in like a 3-block radius (other than Clandestino, obvs), so it's known to get saucy.
Seating - 10 or so seats at the bar, some tables and 3 or 4 booths in the front room and some sofas in the back room. Still and all, you will be standing, so be sure to wear your comfortable Louboutins. Speaking of which, can we talk about how fucking pug fugly these Louboutins is? On some Lee Bowery shit. With his(?) overrated ass.
Neighborhood - like how that huge ice wall in Game of Thrones separates civilization from those blue-eyed wildebeast muthafuckas. 169 is right on the border of the LES and God-knows-what-the-fuck-is-going-on-over-there.
Pretentious/assholes - yeah, but hey, everybody's got a story.
Cost of Stella - fuck, whatever, just give me that delicious.
What time people start showing up - Visceralist got here at like 11:30pm on a recent Saturday and the crowd was fairly robust but not snakepit in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
TVs? What's on - Btw, it's cool that Octavia Spencer got her due and Viola Davis was the real winner like everyone knows she really won, but fuck, Black people can only win when they're getting fucked over or evil? Still? We got a black man in the white house and Colin Firth's winning for reading some lip service someone else wrote for him and Sandra's winning for being condescending, and the brothers and sisters still have to dklj;afdkl;ajdkf fuck! Not that the Oscars should be the arbiter of anything, but damn.
Guy:girl ratio - Angelina's right leg.
Toys - pool table with the illegal leopard print and everything!
Age of clientele - it's a cheap LES bar.
Space for dancing? - the last time Visceralist was here, they had a chick doing some burlesque pole dance with a tip bucket in front of her.
Music medium, style & volume - being a music snob is fucking terrible. Being a comedy snob is ok.
Specials or most popular drink - yo, check out Kris E's Yelp review of this place. The owner fucking ethered him(?) for showing up late. So fucking ill. Co-sign.

Video: Yasiin Bey - "Ni**as in Poorest"

2012-02-22T20:58:00.001-05:00

If a man wants to be called Yasiin Bey, then Goddammit, this is a free country, he should be called Yasiin Bey.

One Mile House

2012-02-03T21:49:00.003-05:00

10 Delancey St. (btw Chrystie & Bowery)

LES, NY 10002
(646) 559-0702

Bathroom situation - one just past the bar on the right and (we believe) a few downstairs...yeah, there must be some there cuz this place is kind of a restaurant with an outdoor area, so they couldn't very well have just one bathroom and certainly not just one that you have to walk through the kitchen to get to, now could they Graffiti? E. Coli may be gluten-free, but it damn sure ain't sexy.
Takes credit cards? - Visceralist is strictly liquid these days, so we didn't put this one on the corporate Black Amex last time we came to partake. They do have the requisite machinery for all that there tho, so
Crowded on weekends? - despite being situated directly "knock-knock-knock-Penny" next door to Bowery Ballroom, it doesn't seem to be getting nearly as much pub as shut-down-in-a-month abominations like Ludlow Manor. Which is nice for now, but this place is gonna blow up the fuck when the weather gets warm again, Visceralist is officially calling it. Just like we're officially calling the SuperBowl in favor of Tom Brady's hairplugs.
Seating - 8-ish seats on both sides of the bar, with scattered stool-tables in front. Regular restaurant-style tables in back. Outdoor seating when the mosquitos and 7pm sunshine come out to play.
Neighborhood - not quite Soho (thank god) and not quite LES, so like a biracial kid from a single-parent home, but who was raised in the suburbs somehow.
Pretentious/assholes - OMH doesn't seem to have the Feng Shui to engender European-style "Hey, let's just talk just to talk, cuz we're all having fun and God, so not even thinking about hitting on each other, cuz men and women meeting at bars with no sexual tension in the air is a thing that exists."
Cost of Stella - they don't have it here - but randomly they've started product-placing it in Big Bang Theory episodes. One of the many reasons BBT is such a gem.
What time people start showing up - like many of you, Visceralist looked down upon BBT for a long time cuz it carried the stink of the justifiably-reviled 2.5 Men. But! It's actually funny, you guys. Visceralist can watch your Portlandia's and your Parks & Rec's and appreciate the skill behind the jokes there, but we're not bust-out laughing like we do at BBT. Bazinga!
Bartender efficiency - Sheldon...man, ain't been a sitcom character like him since like George Castanza or Susie from Curb or GOB Bluth.
Official Website - here. Basically just the menu.
Food? How late - So, yeah, so this place is actually a restaurant in a weird way, but with a weird bar menu. So they have frog legs for some reason. As mentioned above, Visceralist is strictly liquid of late, so we haven't eaten in a while, so commenters, you tell us.
TVs? What's on - Visceralist offices are now permanently tuned into Fox 5 at 7:30pm, then TBS from 8-11pm, then back to Fox 5 at 11pm. Ladies & Gentlemen, we are floating in space.
Guy:girl ratio - equanimity.
Toys - nope!
Age of clientele - skews older, but with the Bowery Ballroom booking the likes of Dinosaur Jr. reunions and suchlike lately, what do you expect, yun?
Space for dancing? - nope nope!
Music medium, style & volume - mostly 90's alt-rock for some reason. Like Bush's "Machine Head" and thereabouts.
Specials or most popular drink - they have a cocktail called "There's a Word for It In Spanish" - which sounds like a category we should add here on our bar reviews. Hecho!

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Video: Blue Sky Black Death & Nacho Picasso - "Naked Lunch"

2012-01-30T18:57:00.002-05:00

From their "Lord of the Fly" mixtape. Free download here.

Pogo - "Jam"

2012-01-23T21:10:00.000-05:00

Visceralist Review: Clams Casino "Instrumentals"

2011-12-27T12:51:00.002-05:00

Look at this fucking fantastic piece of brilliant.
Download here.

Merry Xmas

2011-12-20T10:27:00.001-05:00

lol

Shea Stadium BK

2011-12-13T12:47:00.002-05:00

20 Meadow St. (btw Waterbury & Bogart)

Brooklyn, NY 11206
no phone

Bathroom situation - there are 2 to your left as you enter, one on either side of the soundboard area. Yep yep, that photo above is from the one closest to the door. Visceralist really does this for the people, you guys.
Takes credit cards? - so, this place isn't actually what you'd call "legit" so don't expect to bro your way up in here with your fancy BofA Visa, playboy. Note also that there aren't really any ATMs nearby, so make sure you've got some financial earnins' in the left or right pocket of your Jnco jeans before heading over.
Crowded on weekends? - not really. Strictly speaking, this is a venue and they do curate some new hot shit every now and then (peace to Laurel Halo and her overrated hogwash), but it's out in Way-the-Fuck, Brooklyn, so whatever.
Seating - a couple sofas that are upholstered in only the finest of pleathers, but everyone knows that catching hepatitis from a damn couch ain't cute, so we'd recommend avoiding. It's grimey like that.
Neighborhood - ok, fine, Shea Stadium BK isn't too far from the Grand St. L stop, but it still somehow feels like it may as well be in Belarus. Seriously, this hood is best described as hurt, burnt & crunchy.
Pretentious/assholes - every cloud though, right? The folks who actually do make it out here are generally down like gravity and we here at Visceralist have yet to have someone run up on us with some ol' bullshit and, in fact, have met some real human beings and some real heroes.
Cost of Stella - they only have cans of bud, bud light & tecate (and a couple bottles of Absolut or somesuch), but they're only like $3, so it all evens out.
What time people start showing up - 3rd opening act o'clock-ish.
Bartender efficiency - the "bar" is essentially a dilapidated fridge stocked with cans of the aforementioned that's guarded by a dude with a coffee can full of $1s. But it works.
Official Website - here. Its professional appearance completely belies the decor of the venue, but that's the world we're living in, par.
Food? How late - BYOF.
TVs? What's on - still surprised that Showtime's "Homeland" has been consistently top-notch throughout its first season and glad that it'll be coming back for another. Hasn't been a show this good on that godforsaken channel since the first season of "Dexter."
Guy:girl ratio - this guy for president (of Scotland).
Toys - they have a balcony that looks out on the street directly below the balcony.
Age of clientele - old enough to genuinely appreciate the societal commentary that the creators of "Homeland" are trying to make.
Space for dancing? - plenty, and they're presumably unencumbered by NYC's cabaret laws out here in Helena, but no one takes advantage. Shame.
Music medium, style & volume - the website features free downloads of recordings of many of the shows held here.
Specials or most popular drink - fucking hate that alcohol is such an effective diuretic.

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Visceralist Review: Yelawolf - "Radioactive"

2011-12-02T18:57:00.004-05:00

Look at this fucking middling piece of shit.

(plus, what in the bootleg Bart Simpson hell is going on with this cover?)

Ludlow Manor

2011-11-16T00:35:00.003-05:00

95 Delancey St (corner of Ludlow)

New York, NY 10002
no phone, but @LudlowManor

Bathroom situation - street level, towards the back, take a mean left, then down the stairs, then around the damn corner. Then down the fuckin' hall, god damn! Fuckin' trail of tears trying to get to this shit.
Takes credit cards? - in one chapter of David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas that's set in a dystopian future world, the credit system is described as being essentially the same as one's soul. Not that they've magically/mystically replaced people's souls with credit somehow - it's just that "soul" is the name they use to describe the credit system. Anyway, if the novel has somehow managed to accurately predict the future (i.e. that Mitchell is a witch), one gets the sense that Ludlow Manor and its mgmt will somehow be the impetus of this new system. Explanation why coming up below...
Crowded on weekends? - can't really say because, technically, this place has only been in soft-open mode since last Saturday and won't open for real until this Saturday. However! Visceralist was invited this past Friday and rolled. Now, "invited" is V-speak for "happened to be in line behind folks who actually were invited and just said 'yep' when the bouncer asked if we were with them" but the point is we were up in there, occupying the Manor like we had a protest permit.
Seating - ...but some dude in what can only be described in the Lower East Side's raunchiest fur coat prevented us from going to check out the upstairs, so we can only really speak on the ground level. Forealdo, there were roughly 10-15 stools at the bar, a few more arranged around the shelves abutting the windows in front and a few booths and tables scattered around the Manor's admittedly impressive square footage.
Neighborhood - not long ago, this stretch of Ludlow boasted only the disappointing 87 (which was later re-branded as the only marginally less disappointing UC Lounge). It now features the splendid Hotel Chantelle,the abysmally triflin' Chloe 81, and now this. So how that go?
Pretentious/assholes - according to this, the management of this place wants to attract "sexy people that care how their hair looks." Now, this is a shame because there was an opportunity here for them to create something with that could rival its neighbor, Hotel Chantelle (a Visceralist favorite, full disclosure), in terms of atmosphere, clientele, carriage, demeanor, je ne sais quois & VIP offers to local nightlife bloggers with zero integrity and an audience of dozens. Suffice to say, they did not dress Visceralist up in their love.
Cost of Stella - so far they only have them in bottles here. Fun fact! Visceralist has been told that in the UK, they've adopted the term "wifebeater" to describe a pint of Stella because it's so damn plebeian. How that go?

Awesome Jacket is Awesome

2011-10-18T22:56:00.001-04:00

@ Shea Stadium BK

Radegast Hall & Biergarten

2011-10-09T03:18:00.005-04:00

113 N. 3rd St. (btw Wythe & Berry)

Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 963-3973

Bathroom situation - way in the back part on the left. Seems like there's usually a line for the women's so here goes a Visceralist pro-tip - the East River is just down the block, so...
Takes credit cards? - with aplomb.
Crowded on weekends? - The Weeknd's "Thursday" was kinda disappointing, no? Still, this guy's still the buzziest unsigned hype since 50, so he'll be ok. Visceralist prediction! Dude signs with some Universal subsidiary. OK, that's boring.
Seating - so this is the big payday here. They have a gang of benches for communal conviviality. Cool! The thing is, tho, that Radegast attracts big groups who'll want to devour a whole bench like everyone other than them hates sitting down. Still and all, just run up on the seats and sit...what are they gonna do, really? Tell on you? "Teacher, teacher! You forgot to give us homework!" Fuck outta here.
Neighborhood - row houses nearby. Not exactly like the B'more trap, but not entirely dissimilar. "How's my hair look? You look good, girl." Oof.
Pretentious/assholes - Visceralist was here on a recent Saturday afternoon and there was a whole big ol' cohort of polo shirts that were acting like they didn't have the sense God gave a mule. Some muthafuckas get a seat at the cool kids table and just lose their damn minds. That ain't bout shit.
Cost of Stella - they have more beers here than Will Arnett has fake hair on his head but Visceralist didn't see Stella listed at first glance, and then got distracted and that was that.
What time people start showing up - afternoons. This is one of those bars that you can tell folks you spent all day at without getting one of those "Oh dear..." looks in response. So what's all that now? Visceralist spends a day off at Welcome to the Johnsons and all of a sudden we're the asshole...oof.
Bartender efficiency - the bar in the main room is well-staffed, so no complaints there. The service in the "garten" area can be downright abominable tho...AND they get pissed if you take some initiative and go get beers at the bar and sit back down. Granted, this is a faux pas when you're at a wait-service table. But if the "service" is neither here nor there, what are you supposed to do? Also, these kinds of problems don't come up at Johnsons...just sayin'.
Official Website - here. Auto-play streaming video on the main page, which is a huge "do not do" but the rest of the site is clean enough.
Food? How late - oh yeah...with all the trimmings.
TVs? What's on - commenters, who you think is gonna get dead in the season finale of Breaking Bad? Someone's gotta go, right? Hope it's not Gus, but it'll prolly be Gus.
Guy:girl ratio - David Cross has this great bit where the punchline is essentially "So there's a baby in the bar. A baby. In the bar." We're butchering it here, but you get the idea.
Toys - dominant costume for H'ween '11 has to be between Jobs and Angry Birds, right? Gosling from Drive may be in the mix too?
Age of clientele - mostly around the realization-that-yes-this-is-all-there-is-...damn age.
Space for dancing? - man, don't even. Like really. Just...no. Please stop.
Music medium, style & volume - oddly, none. So if you happen to hear any, it'll be purely diegetic.
Specials or most popular drink - they have bloody marys here for some reason.

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Cam'ron "Get 'em Girls" Live Best Buy Theatre 9/30/11

2011-10-01T02:34:00.002-04:00

Visceralist Review - "Drive" Movie & Soundtrack

2011-09-27T20:12:00.003-04:00

Look at this fucking brilliant piece of insanity.

Berry Park

2011-09-08T23:08:00.002-04:00

4 Berry St. (btw Nassau & 14th St.)

Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 782-2829

Bathroom situation - 1 M & 1 W units just to the left of the bar in the main room on street level. The M's has a glass holder built into the wall above the throne in the stall. Speaking of which, Visceralist spent hurricane Irene weekend marathoning the first season of Game of Thrones. How ill was that last scene with the dragon babies? You mad, Lannisters?
Takes credit cards? - Yelp says that they ain't 'bout this life here, but Visceralist can confirm that they most certainly are.
Crowded on weekends? - Visceralist is strictly house partyin' or out-of-townin' on the weekends these days, so we hope you didn't come here expecting a good answer here. If we had to guess though...we wouldn't.
Seating - plentiful.
Neighborhood - commenters, help us out. Anyone got a line on the spot No Name Bar that's around hereabouts? Drop us a line.
Pretentious/assholes - visible boxers is a must.
Cost of Stella - not present. Visceralist mad, bro.
What time people start showing up - back when he bothered showing up, Jamie Foxx told a story on Foxxhole radio about how he was throwing a huge house party (apparently he owns 40 acres in the LA area...replete with an avocado farm that generates enough income to pay the yearly taxes on the entire property) and at some point around 3am there was a turning point where he started going around tapping his guests on the shoulder and saying something like "Yo, it's time for you to make a decision. It's either go time, or time to go time." Meaning the party was about to turn a corner at the intersection of Coke & Lube streets.
Bartender efficiency - moderately understaffed, so...
Official Website - http://www.berryparkbk.com/
Food? How late - seasoned fries, which...
TVs? What's on - apparently the movie "Drive" : 2011 :: "Blue Valentine" : 2010 :: "Inglorious Basterds" :: 2009
Guy:girl ratio - LL Cool BP.
Toys - projector turns the street level main area into a sports bar.
Age of clientele - mostly folks in their mid-Greenpoints.
Space for dancing? - upstairs yes, but it is subtly discouraged.
Music medium, style & volume - disappointing 2nd & 3rd quarters so far. This Drake album better be the shiznick (pronounced like Larry David's dad in that Curb hooker episode where Larry buys weed from Hurley).
Specials or most popular drink - what are we gonna do with all this beeaaaahhhh?!

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The Weeknd - "Thursday"

2011-08-19T18:41:00.003-04:00

Look at this fucking new piece of hot shit.

Download here.