Thursday, March 5, 2009

Barramundi Bar

67 Clinton St (btw Rivington & Stanton)
New York, NY 10002-2400
(212) 529-6999

Bathroom situation
- two unisex, lockable bathrooms in the rear. The one on the left is big 'n' comfy. The one on the right looks like it was airlifted in from the City of God.
Takes credit cards? - Ask them if they do and they'll tell you "no" with a smirk.
Crowded on weekends? - If you mean Sundays from 9am - 5pm, then no. Any other parts of the weekend, then yes, doi! Helloooo...
Seating - 5 booths, 10 stools. The tables at the booths here are kinda gnarly cuz they're made from actual wood-bearing tree stumps.
Neighborhood - On Clinton Street, which is like the Park Avenue of the LES.
Type of crowd - A bunch of trick muthafuckas that like to trick off all their little trick money. J/k.
Pretentious/assholes - despite being centrally located in the alleged upscale part of the LES, the crowd is largely d-bag deficient.
Cost of Stella - a nice, even $6.
What time people start showing up - around the time that the trivia nights at other local bars are winding down.
Bartender efficiency - only one, but this place is cozy in nature so it's [ed. usually] sufficient.
Official Website - here. Hilariously brokeass the fuck. Like on some Geocities shit. Leading that whole comedy-HTML movement you keep hearing about.
Food? How late - they have a huge sangria jar with real-looking fruit up in it, but who's to say...
TVs? What's on - yes, but 100% at the 'tenders discretion. Do not be coming here to catch up on Lost, johnny boy.
Guy:girl ratio - somehow this is actually a date-y type place. It's also a lonely-chick-looking-for-je-ne-sais-quois type place.
Toys - if you got The Dream's new album on your iPod, that's all you really need.
Age of clientele - dawn till dusk.
Space for dancing - note to all the girls who like need to drop it like it's haaawwwwttt...this is more of a pre-gaming spot. Plan accordingly.
D├ęcor - red...candles....mostly red & candles. And xmas lights.
Grimeyness - definitely one of those spots that looks like it's pretty decent but if you saw it in some pure daylight or flourescence, you'd be like "Peewww, blech, blech, ugh, blech, pew, PEW PEW PEW, blech. Where's the bleach? Where's the razors? Where's my wrists?"
ID check procedure - Must be yea tall to get in. Yea = 2'+.
Hood specificity - how good is the new The-Dream album, btw?
Music medium, style & volume - indie nonsense from that forgettable decade. The one where they called it GRID.
Specials or most popular drink - from the previously mentioned website: ...

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