Tandem

236 Troutman (btw Wilson & Knickerbocker Aves)

Brooklyn, NY 11237

(718) 386-2369

Bathroom situation - 3 single-person WCs in the hallway between the main front space and the back fun space. Much like the terrible Schillers, they have a shared sink in the bathroom area. And yeah, it probably seems random that we’d just reach out there like Mr. Fantastic to slap Schiller’s in their triflin’ mouth for no apparent reason, but trust us, there’s a reason. Email us for details. 
Takes credit cards? - oh yes they did do it. Speaking of which, a friend of Visceralist’s who is really a friend that exists and has a girlfriend on twitter and a Nigerian trust fund and all those normal things that people have when they’re real and you’ve had brunch with them and stuff. So, anyway, this friend was wondering how one would go about checking their credit report score cuz they never have before and apparently (according to their real words that they spoke in person) they want to apply for a new job and they heard that employers be checkin’ on that shit now. Commenters, help us out?
Crowded on weekends? - so even tho this place has been around for over a year, it’s just recently cropped up on Visceralist’s radar, which means that the cool kids are finishing up with it, which means that the bolo hordes will be here ad nauseum come summer 2013.
Seating - so this spot is a restaurant during those useless, boring hours before party time, so they have a bunch of tables and chairs in front. There’s a random side room just past the bathrooms as well for private parties and suchlike.
Neighborhood - the part of Bushwick that thinks it’s on that new hot shit, but apparently forgot to think about the fact that Bed-Stuy is where the new hot shit really been occurring at lately.
Pretentious/assholes - not at first blush, but we’ve already heard reports of people’s coats getting jacked the fuck out the backroom. Granted, it’s foolish to just toss your coat up against the wall and expect the honor system to have its foot on the night’s neck, but if you’re still stealing coats in Obama’s America, you are officially an asshole, yes.
Cost of Stella - Visceralist was buying for the crew for some reason last time we were here, so we were on all-PBR-everything status in a very real way.
What time people start showing up - STOP EVERYTHING: someone(s) on the internet is stupid: the Illuminati fixation? If they exist and they’re as powerful as y’all straw-men say, then what is your JPG-zoomin’ YouTube clip gonna do about it? Raise awareness? Awareness has had its feet up on the coffee table for the past forever, man. Real orgs that exist like City Harvest could really use your time & energy too, man.
Bartender efficiency - top-notch, no qualifiers.
Official Website - here. We had to update Adobe Reader on the Visceralist HQ Hal 2000 in order to check out their menu, which was decidedly unworth it. That’s a check-minus, Tandem.  
Food? How late - if a quick perusal of Tandem’s Yelp reviews are to be believed, the brunch here is on point like calming, late-night hugs from momma. Visceralist hasn’t woken up in time for brunch since we were getting calming, late-night hugs from momma, so we can’t really offer up an opinion on this one.
TVs? What's on - it is kinda interesting how having even a single flat-screen in a bar can change the vibe from easy, late-80s r&b cool into a head-slapping, late-80s, Zach Morris Cuntachella. Anyway, this place doesn’t have any.
Guy:girl ratio - pretty even. Which, btw, commenters, what’s up with that revelation in Ep 8 of House of Cards? The way they downplayed it, hmmm....
Toys - as mentioned above, the bathroom has a communal sink which, if you’re charismatic enough, could be turned into a funny, meet-cute splash party scene from like an early ‘00s Bollywood movie. Just sayin’!
Age of clientele - mostly those that are just sipping gingerly on their 30s.
Space for dancing? - fuck, yo. So this is where Tandem really comes out to play. The backroom dance party is what makes the considerable trip out to this spot worthwhile. 2 Chainz’ “Birthday Song” has never sounded so ill. Plus they have laser lights like that MJ “Rock With You” vid.
Music medium, style & volume - see above.
Specials or most popular drink - seriously, this place is gonna blow up this summer, just remember where you heard it first.

Affaire

50 Avenue B (Corner of E. 4th)

New York, NY 10009

(212) 375-0665

Bathroom situation - so the street level floor of Affaire is set up as a small restaurant. There's 1 bathroom in the back, to the side of the bar. Then downstairs there are two separate lounge rooms which each have 1 small bathroom. Each one is single-person and the tricky part with the downstairs ones is that the doors blend in seamlessly with the wall. If you're having trouble finding them, just wait for a line to form.
Takes credit cards? - yes and when you close out at the bar, they go through the whole rigamarole of putting your check in one of those black pleather folders, which is such a cyse.
Crowded on weekends? - the following is a true story that happened in real life earlier this year: The Visceralist rolled up to the door of Affaire on a Saturday night. The Bouncer (who looked like he had probably used the phrase "'Nuff said" about 5 or 6 times that week), was all, "Gotta lose the hat. Can't let you in with that hat." Fair enough, so we turned to our friend and asked her if she could please put the offending hat in her purse for the night. She was all, "Of course." Problem solved, right? Of course. But then Bouncer was all, "Nah, no hats at all inside. Gotta get rid of it." To which we responded, "It'll just stay in her bag, man, it's all good." Bouncer: "No hats." V: "Really? So even though I could've put the hat in her bag in the cab before we got here, you won't let us in?" Bouncer (after cinching up his jean cargo shorts): "Yeah. I mean if you wanna come in now, you could throw it out in the trash can on the corner." Tell you what, how 'bout you throw out your unreasonable attitude, guy?!
Seating - 7 or 8 dinner tables upstairs and a few lounge-style sofas in both downstairs rooms. Most seats on the sofas were occupied by coats - including Visceralist's beloved Spiewak, which typically causes us a healthy dose of undue anxiety. Fortunately though, the crowd kept their grubbies off, so no complaints there.
Neighborhood -what's that saying about Alphabet City in NYC's bad old days? Ah yes: If you're on Avenue A you're alright, Avenue B you're brave, Avenue C you're Crazy, Avenue D you're Dead. That hasn't really been applicable for a while, so Visceralist proposes a revision: If you're on Avenue A you're an NYU student, Avenue B you're boring cuz all the bars on this avenue are mediocre, Avenue C you'll get flooded once a year but it'll get blogged about, Avenue D you'll get flooded once a year but you're on your own for a couple weeks after.
Pretentious/assholes - let's just say that you will see a guy or few that does that move where he puts his arm up against the wall behind the girl he's talking to and then leans in with a grin.
Cost of Stella - $7 and bottles only. Pay cash.
What time people start showing up - Visceralist got here at 11:30ish on a recent Saturday night and both downstairs rooms were jammed up like the EQ on a Waka Flocka track.
Bartender efficiency - surprisingly adept, considering the crowds. We'd like to take this time to send an unreserved, non-sarcastic kudos their way.
Official Website - here. Their "Delicious Playful Moments" section informs us that they present frequent burlesque shows here. So if seeing bra-covered tits vs. seeing naked tits is like eating porridge that's too cold vs. eating porridge that's too hot, then this is your spot. With your freaky ass ;)
Food? How late -full brunch and dinner menus. Buffalo style frog legs!
TVs? What's on - no, Affaire aspires to a level of pretension that would see it more at home on a Mad TV parody of Girls. So you're gonna have to catch that Nets game down the block at Croxleys, bruh.
Guy:girl ratio - 50:50ish.
Toys - not really, so try to make some new friends in the bathroom or coatcheck lines.
Age of clientele - folks in their mid-20s who think they know what folks in their mid-30s act like and attempt to imitate that.
Space for dancing? - so this is where they actually get shit completely right. Perhaps the bouncer actually knows his business because, though the dance floors in both lounge rooms could be crowded enough to be a hassle to walk through, it was fuckin' party time out that bitch and it was official.
Music medium, style & volume - stretched-out dance remixes of Khia's "My Neck, My Back" & "Gangnam Style" were heard and remembered.


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Hair of the Dog

168 Orchard Street (corner of Stanton)

New York, NY 10002

(212) 477-7771

Bathroom situation - “When shaving, a man rereads his truest memoir.” Handle that one, RapGenius.com!
Takes credit cards? - yes, effusively, and they’ll even give it back to you when you ask for it back. But you better sign that shit!
Crowded on weekends? - it's barely been open for a full weekend, so commenters should weigh in on this one right here.
Seating - this building used to house a French-ish type brunch place that had those rinky dink tables that never reminded people of authentic French bistros and always reminded people that the LES was overrated.
Neighborhood - Visceralist commandeered a cab around here recently that was driven by a white man with an American accent. That didn’t actually happen.
Pretentious/assholes - with a decor like this, a name like that and a female bar-staff like the proverbial, this has all the potential in the land to become the ultimate “What’s your dad do, bitch?!” dbag circlefuck that we here at Visceralist secretly love (to fuck with [cuz we’re jealous]). Let’s see how it goes, bitch!
Cost of Stella - probably $6 - Visceralist was coming off a tough pub trivia loss when we were here the other night, so our brain’s official report on this is heavily redacted.
What time people start showing up - Danny Bowien (owner of the slap-yo-momma ill Mission Chinese nearby) was in attendance when we were last here. He got here at 12:30ish and left shortly thereafter. So do what he done did.
Bartender efficiency - it wasn’t too crowded, so we’re not sure how well they’ll traffic-cop the more bountiful nights, but no ‘plaints so far.
Official Website - here. Just a Fbook page so far, which is pretty wack, but they’re new so chill the fuck out, then tell me what’s your dad do, bitch!
Food? How late - they apparently have a menu here, but it doesn’t have any appreciable web presence at the moment. Their menu’s dad doesn’t make much money, hahahahahahahahhaha! He drives a Dodge Stratus!! ROFL!
TVs? What's on - yes, sports, which means it’ll face some stiff competition from fellow Orchard street stand-outs Sixth Ward, 200 & the always-lovable Lucky Jacks.
Guy:girl ratio - sports bar, but they’re still eking out their LES-bar-scene rep, so it remains to be seen whether it’ll be 80:20 or 80.5:19.5.
Toys - our TV here at Visceralist HQ just broke down (right in time for the Halo 4 launch of course, fuck!). Commenters, hook it up.
Age of clientele - we’ll take any flat screen from like 2005-present.
Space for dancing? - apparently they’ll have DJs spinning at some point, but it’ll be on some UES pub shit more like. Also, the lighting is curiously bright, so you probably aren’t gonna want to Cat Daddy your caboose around with your eyes closed too much anyway, lest someone capture it on their RED Scarlet and make you famous.
Music medium, style & volume - what have Clap Your Hands Say Yeah been up to lately, anyway?
Specials or most popular drink - let’s all just keep calm and drink some Laphroaig, shit...

Crown Victoria

60 S. 2nd St (btw Kent & Wythe)

Brooklyn, NY  11211

(917) 719-6072

Bathroom situation - 3 single-person units just past the bar in the back. Their fuckability isn’t great - and not because they’re not big enough, they are. It’s just that they’re in a bottlenecky part of the bar.
Takes credit cards? - the Visceralist’s credit is so bad these days that we need to raise our hand and wait till we’re called on before we can use any kind of plastic, so not entirely sure on this one. Yelp says they do though, so they probably do.
Crowded on weekends? - the back yard area does tend to get frothy mixy on the weekends, but the front patio doesn’t for some reason.
Seating - a bunch in the front and back yards, but less than zero inside. Commenters, what’s this place like in the winter?
Neighborhood - next door to this weird wine-bar-looking spot that’s always nearly empty. Fuck is that about? Fuck is going on there? Is anyone looking into that? Can someone look into that? Anway, CV is close to the East River.
Pretentious/assholes - wtf is up with folks who, when you’re selling concert tix on Craigslist, write to you a bunch of times asking you first if they’re still available, then sending you like 3 more emails asking you to just respond as to whether or not they’re gone. Fuck you, you entitled republican. If you haven’t gotten a response, what the hell do you think your answer is? And how does confirmation that they’re gone help you? Is your accountant hounding you to reconcile that outstanding $70 on your fucking stupid books, you idiot? Die.
Cost of Stella - $6. If you’re sitting in the front or back yard and have ordered it from a server, make sure they actually bring it to you before you pay for it and go home, go to sleep and wet dream about commenting on Visceralist.com.
What time people start showing up - Visceralist showed up on a recent Thursday for a going-away party (that was supposed to start at 6:30pm) at 7:15pm and no one was there yet for the party (embarrassing?), but there were 5 or 6 people hanging out at the bar. When we doubled back around 8:30pm after killing some time by walking around the corner, sitting on the curb and composing most of this post on our iPhone, it was appreciably fuller.
Bartender efficiency - you think the mgmt of bars in the LES/Wburg is like officially requiring bar/wait staff to go full-hipster, attire-wise? Or is it just a biased sample set? Not that we’re complaining, but what ever happened to, ah fuck it...nevermind.
Official Website - here. Features a specific section devoted to advertising their availability as a location for commercial/movie/tv/video shoots. Kinda brilliant.
Food? How late - standard American Pub stuff.
TVs? What's on - NOPE!
Guy:girl ratio - all your ex’s friends will be all up in here. Smile!
Toys - the backyard area is gravelly enough that you could prolly find a nice skipping stone and use it over on the East River. If you can get 6 skips on video and email it to mgmt, you get a voucher for a free beer. That’s not actually true and would be a terrible idea.  
Age of clientele - apparently, “yun” in DMV slang is used similarly to how we Yawkers use “yo.” “Yun” is derived from the other, more widely used slang term, “young’n” which itself is probably a shortened version of “young one.”
Space for dancing? - dancing in gravel?
Music medium, style & volume - shit, this new Muse album is more of that classic Muse shit that we know and love here at Visceralst HQ (the shameless trend-chasing stabs at dubstep notwithstanding). “Survival” in particular is particularly Musey. Kate Hudson’s pussy is a genius.
Specials or most popular drink - definitely not the wine. Which, in our experience, is a whole lotta liquid phooey. 

Burnside Brooklyn

506 Grand St. (btw Union & Lorimer Aves)

Brooklyn, NY  11211

(347) 889-7793

Bathroom situation - 2 multisex units in the front, against the left wall. Both de rigueur for dive-bars in this part of Wburg - meaning: only one has a toilet seat. Steady as she goes, ladies....
Takes credit cards? - yes and, incidentally, Eric M. has a mildly-interesting anecdote within his Yelp! review of Burnside that involves some alleged cc-tab chicanery on the part of the bar staff. Even more interestingly, the mgmt responds to his claims with a measured and “hmmm, yeah, actually that makes more sense” refutation. Gripping reading; like something out of The Kings of Cool or suchlike...
Crowded on weekends? - yes, and seems even worse than it is because of the narrow and unnecessarily cramped layout. Tsk tut.
Seating - 5 or 6 tables in the front, 8 or so stools at the bar and an all-woodgrain-everything patio in back with seating for an additional 15-20. Sitting apparently kills you faster than the Supersize Me diet though, so shoulder-width apart your feet and live your life!
Neighborhood - this part of Grand Street has been tussling with gentrification for the past few years and neither side has tapped out yet, but deep down, we all know how these things go...
Pretentious/assholes - so this place purportedly adheres to some stereotypical Midwestern ethos construct. This is fine, but there’s a reason people leave the Midwest to come to NYC. Namely, the notion that mediocrity should be elevated to an ideal. We can do better, people!
Cost of Stella - not here, so sneak some in like a “real” Midwesterner like on TV.
What time people start showing up - Visceralist got here on a recent Friday at 10pm and had no problem finding a seat, getting the bartender’s attention or waiting for the bathroom (well, for the one w/o the toilet seat...seriously Burnside, you can get one for like $20 at Home Depot...easy to install and everything, we’ve done it ourselves...we can do better, people!)
Bartender efficiency - a touchy subject, if Yelp! is to be believed. The bar area is designed in such a way that there’s no real way to avoid crowding if there are more people standing around than stools.
Official Website - here. One of those single-pagers with Twitter, Fbook & Yelp! links in the corner. Is this a thing now? Shit...is this the new hot shit for Bar sites? You know...this might be the new hot shit. Ok, we’ll check with our local kings of cool and update this post asap if it turns out that this is the new hot shit. Bear with us...
Food? How late - cheese curds and Juicy Lucy burgers. Neither of which is as big in the Midwest as they’d have you believe. Gooder than fuck tho.
TVs? What's on - no, which is probably the biggest oversight for an MW zoetrope like this.
Guy:girl ratio - this category feels just a little bit too prurient to be used in a bar as MW’ern as Burnside.
Toys - shufflepuck and no Golden Tee.
Age of clientele - we here at Visceralist are such “Goddammit, if your fucking frisbee lands in our lawn just one more fucking time...” old-heads now that we don’t even know at what age the young folk (see how dated our references are?) are moving to NYC anymore.
Space for dancing? - fuck no. And you shouldn’t be doing the lambada in public anyway. Shameful. We can do better, people!
Music medium, style & volume - too loud! And would it kill them to play something off the Mo’ Money soundtrack every now and then?
Specials or most popular drink - Stevens Point Ale.

GMT

142 Bleecker St. (Btw Laguardia Pl & Thompson St)

NYC, NY 10012

(646) 863-3776

Bathroom situation - 2 in the back corner (helpfully illuminated with an old-timey “WC” globe light). They’re both clean as a whistle and have those “one faucet for hot and a separate one for cold” sinks that never annoy anyone and aren’t at all pointless and everyone loves and speaks of highly.
Takes credit cards? - (Tommy from Martin voice) Yeeeeaaaahhhhhhh, daaaawwwwggggg...God, what a fuckin’ great show. Gonna go watch a few episodes on YouTube now, brb.
Crowded on weekends? - haha, Martin told someone to “Get to steppin’!” Classic.
Seating - long-ass bar like that one in the Saloon in Back to the Future III: Fuck Any Semblance of Time-Travelling Logic, We Gettin’ Money! Plus a smattering of tables in the “restauranty” section and an outdoor patio area with 10 or so tables along Laguardia Pl.
Neighborhood - it’s become a cliche to point out that it’s a cliche to talk shit about the part of Greenwich Village that’s firmly tucked under NYU’s taint. The Visceralist can do better, watch.
Pretentious/assholes - dear lord, yes. Also, Visceralist has seen more than one baby in this bar on more than one occasion. I’ve referenced David Cross’ excellent “There’s a baby...in the bar” bit numerous times before, but it’s just as true today as it was whenever he recorded Let America Laugh. I’d elaborate here, but it’s considered gauche in the comedy world to completely rehash another comedian’s bit, so just go buy the DVD.
Cost of Stella - $6 by the bottle, which is surprising because GMT regularly catches flack for over-charging for beer. They have roughly 30 different types on tap, most of which are imported and they’ll generally only run $1 more than market rate - and that’s if you can even find them anywhere else (which you can, but still).
What time people start showing up - they don’t typically attract a huge happy-hour crowd, but the dinner crowd can segue seamlessly into a large “Ok, let’s see...who’s hot in here? Hmmm, ok...who’s cute in here? Hmmm, ok...” crowd before you know it.
Bartender efficiency - they have to dress up here, which sucks, so I feel like I should cut them some slack, but last time Visceralist was here the bartender didn’t get my “So, do you have beer here?” joke, so do with that info what you will.
Official Website - here. It has a large photo of the bar at night and a “website coming soon” notice (this place has been open for over a year) and then a link to itself at the bottom. In retrospect, no wonder they didn’t get my awesome “Hey, uh...so y’all got any beer up in here?” joke.
Food? How late - yeah, big ass British pub-type menu with Scotch Eggs and everything.  
TVs? What's on - none immediately visible, but they do have a dropdown screen in the front window onto which they’ll project the occasional EPL football match or MLS soccer game.
Guy:girl ratio - because of the dim lighting they deploy here, it has the veneer of a “Hey, let’s just grab a drink, I know this new British pub-type spot in the Village. The bartenders have great senses of humor.” type date-spot.
Toys - last time Visceralist was here, the head bartender dude had the look of someone who’d probably yell out “Oy!” at me if I tried to “get cute” in his “establishment.” So I left the PUA magic tricks firmly tucked up under my cape that night. Swag.
Age of clientele - early 30s - early 40s if we had to guess.
Space for dancing? - a thousand times no. Don’t you even so much as.
Music medium, style & volume - dulcet and low-key. Unobtrusive and benign. Be easy and let’s chill. Sit down over here, girl, let me say my peace. You don’t like what I have to say or how I say it then I got the tab, your cab and I ain’t even mad. However. You do like they way I use my talk...then let’s get out of here, it’s too loud, and you’re too beautiful. Swag.
Specials or most popular drink - they have that expensive Macallan scotch by the shot.

169 Bar

 169 E. Broadway (btw Pike & Rutgers)

NYC, NY 10002
(646) 833-7199

Bathroom situation - 2 single-person R. Kelly sex tapes just past the bar on the left. 1 M & 1 W. Grimey as "I don't know what." Commenters, what do you think was going on in the bathrooms at the Oscars? Other than the obvious, obvs. The obvious obviously being yard stick lines of that yola and BJs.
Takes credit cards? - yeah, they got that. Oh, pro-tip: having your credit card company check your credit score somehow lowers your credit score. Kenan Thompson, what's up with that?!
Crowded on weekends? - jumpin jehosaphat, yes! This is the only halfway decent bar in like a 3-block radius (other than Clandestino, obvs), so it's known to get saucy.
Seating - 10 or so seats at the bar, some tables and 3 or 4 booths in the front room and some sofas in the back room. Still and all, you will be standing, so be sure to wear your comfortable Louboutins. Speaking of which, can we talk about how fucking pug fugly these Louboutins is? On some Lee Bowery shit. With his(?) overrated ass.
Neighborhood - like how that huge ice wall in Game of Thrones separates civilization from those blue-eyed wildebeast muthafuckas. 169 is right on the border of the LES and God-knows-what-the-fuck-is-going-on-over-there.
Pretentious/assholes - yeah, but hey, everybody's got a story.
Cost of Stella - fuck, whatever, just give me that delicious.
What time people start showing up - Visceralist got here at like 11:30pm on a recent Saturday and the crowd was fairly robust but not snakepit in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
TVs? What's on - Btw, it's cool that Octavia Spencer got her due and Viola Davis was the real winner like everyone knows she really won, but fuck, Black people can only win when they're getting fucked over or evil? Still? We got a black man in the white house and Colin Firth's winning for reading some lip service someone else wrote for him and Sandra's winning for being condescending, and the brothers and sisters still have to dklj;afdkl;ajdkf fuck! Not that the Oscars should be the arbiter of anything, but damn.
Guy:girl ratio - Angelina's right leg.
Toys - pool table with the illegal leopard print and everything!
Age of clientele - it's a cheap LES bar.
Space for dancing? - the last time Visceralist was here, they had a chick doing some burlesque pole dance with a tip bucket in front of her.
Music medium, style & volume - being a music snob is fucking terrible. Being a comedy snob is ok.
Specials or most popular drink - yo, check out Kris E's Yelp review of this place. The owner fucking ethered him(?) for showing up late. So fucking ill. Co-sign.

Radegast Hall & Biergarten

113 N. 3rd St. (btw Wythe & Berry)

Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 963-3973

Bathroom situation - way in the back part on the left. Seems like there's usually a line for the women's so here goes a Visceralist pro-tip - the East River is just down the block, so...
Takes credit cards? - with aplomb.
Crowded on weekends? - The Weeknd's "Thursday" was kinda disappointing, no? Still, this guy's still the buzziest unsigned hype since 50, so he'll be ok. Visceralist prediction! Dude signs with some Universal subsidiary. OK, that's boring.
Seating - so this is the big payday here. They have a gang of benches for communal conviviality. Cool! The thing is, tho, that Radegast attracts big groups who'll want to devour a whole bench like everyone other than them hates sitting down. Still and all, just run up on the seats and sit...what are they gonna do, really? Tell on you? "Teacher, teacher! You forgot to give us homework!" Fuck outta here.
Neighborhood - row houses nearby. Not exactly like the B'more trap, but not entirely dissimilar. "How's my hair look? You look good, girl." Oof.
Pretentious/assholes - Visceralist was here on a recent Saturday afternoon and there was a whole big ol' cohort of polo shirts that were acting like they didn't have the sense God gave a mule. Some muthafuckas get a seat at the cool kids table and just lose their damn minds. That ain't bout shit.
Cost of Stella - they have more beers here than Will Arnett has fake hair on his head but Visceralist didn't see Stella listed at first glance, and then got distracted and that was that.
What time people start showing up - afternoons. This is one of those bars that you can tell folks you spent all day at without getting one of those "Oh dear..." looks in response. So what's all that now? Visceralist spends a day off at Welcome to the Johnsons and all of a sudden we're the asshole...oof.
Bartender efficiency - the bar in the main room is well-staffed, so no complaints there. The service in the "garten" area can be downright abominable tho...AND they get pissed if you take some initiative and go get beers at the bar and sit back down. Granted, this is a faux pas when you're at a wait-service table. But if the "service" is neither here nor there, what are you supposed to do? Also, these kinds of problems don't come up at Johnsons...just sayin'.
Official Website - here. Auto-play streaming video on the main page, which is a huge "do not do" but the rest of the site is clean enough.
Food? How late - oh yeah...with all the trimmings.
TVs? What's on - commenters, who you think is gonna get dead in the season finale of Breaking Bad? Someone's gotta go, right? Hope it's not Gus, but it'll prolly be Gus.
Guy:girl ratio - David Cross has this great bit where the punchline is essentially "So there's a baby in the bar. A baby. In the bar." We're butchering it here, but you get the idea.
Toys - dominant costume for H'ween '11 has to be between Jobs and Angry Birds, right? Gosling from Drive may be in the mix too?
Age of clientele - mostly around the realization-that-yes-this-is-all-there-is-...damn age.
Space for dancing? - man, don't even. Like really. Just...no. Please stop.
Music medium, style & volume - oddly, none. So if you happen to hear any, it'll be purely diegetic.
Specials or most popular drink - they have bloody marys here for some reason.

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Berry Park

4 Berry St. (btw Nassau & 14th St.)

Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 782-2829

Bathroom situation - 1 M & 1 W units just to the left of the bar in the main room on street level. The M's has a glass holder built into the wall above the throne in the stall. Speaking of which, Visceralist spent hurricane Irene weekend marathoning the first season of Game of Thrones. How ill was that last scene with the dragon babies? You mad, Lannisters?
Takes credit cards? - Yelp says that they ain't 'bout this life here, but Visceralist can confirm that they most certainly are.
Crowded on weekends? - Visceralist is strictly house partyin' or out-of-townin' on the weekends these days, so we hope you didn't come here expecting a good answer here. If we had to guess though...we wouldn't.
Seating - plentiful.
Neighborhood - commenters, help us out. Anyone got a line on the spot No Name Bar that's around hereabouts? Drop us a line.
Pretentious/assholes - visible boxers is a must.
Cost of Stella - not present. Visceralist mad, bro.
What time people start showing up - back when he bothered showing up, Jamie Foxx told a story on Foxxhole radio about how he was throwing a huge house party (apparently he owns 40 acres in the LA area...replete with an avocado farm that generates enough income to pay the yearly taxes on the entire property) and at some point around 3am there was a turning point where he started going around tapping his guests on the shoulder and saying something like "Yo, it's time for you to make a decision. It's either go time, or time to go time." Meaning the party was about to turn a corner at the intersection of Coke & Lube streets.
Bartender efficiency - moderately understaffed, so...
Official Website - http://www.berryparkbk.com/
Food? How late - seasoned fries, which...
TVs? What's on - apparently the movie "Drive" : 2011 :: "Blue Valentine" : 2010 :: "Inglorious Basterds" :: 2009
Guy:girl ratio - LL Cool BP.
Toys - projector turns the street level main area into a sports bar.
Age of clientele - mostly folks in their mid-Greenpoints.
Space for dancing? - upstairs yes, but it is subtly discouraged.
Music medium, style & volume - disappointing 2nd & 3rd quarters so far. This Drake album better be the shiznick (pronounced like Larry David's dad in that Curb hooker episode where Larry buys weed from Hurley).
Specials or most popular drink - what are we gonna do with all this beeaaaahhhh?!

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