Lit Lounge

93 2nd Ave (btw 5th & 6th)

New York, NY 10003
(212) 777-7987

Bathroom situation - hold it in or go to Dempsey's down the street. Seriously, just..ugh. Fuck.
Takes credit cards? - yes, but do you really want your card sitting in the muck and the mire that accumulates on the counter-top here. Do you? Someone told us that that's how rubella got started back in the day [ed. damn, when was the last time you heard about some rubella?]
Crowded on weekends? - yes, and this is likely the main reason why this place reeks of sweat (among other similarly malodorous funks) 100% of the time. This place seriously must be fuckin' allergic to Glade Plug-ins.
Seating - the usual complement of chairs at the bar, a few tables in back and an egregiously out-of-place plush sofa downstairs. When Visceralist was here the other night there were 2 random dudes layin' out on the sofa like they were some damn maharishis and giving us the most laid-back mean mug we've seen this side of of a G-Dep video.
Neighborhood - smack-dab in the middle of what is likely the noisiest stretch of the East Village [ed. 'smack-dab?' really? is Heathcliff Huxtable ghostwriting this shit now?]
Pretentious/assholes - you know that thing where someone in a group of people a few feet away from you looks over at you, then looks back to their friends, rolls their eyes and laughs?
Cost of Stella - if you think for one single solitary minute that they clean their draft-to-keg tubes as regularly as they should, then I've got a 6 ft. tall invisible rabbit buddy to introduce you to [ed. OK, you've really gotta step up these references. The next category's entry had better reference something that's at least as current as the Obama administration.]
What time people start showing up - Beer o'clock! Now beer me that Smirnoff Ice so I can go Ice my brah.
Bartender efficiency - actually, not terrible. Just don't make hand-contact...and hold your glass/bottle with a napkin separating your dermis from anything his hand may have touched. The more you know!
Official Website - here. They have a list of "Bands Hoove Played" there. Yes, "hoove." Give to your local Parent-Teacher Association, people.
Food? How late - remember when they used to call puking "hurling" in the 90s...and then that sort of got sublimated into "erlin'" in the early '00s.
TVs? What's on - if they don't have the budget for toilet paper in the bathrooms or even a damn bottle of Pine Sol, why in the fuck would they have a TV going.
Guy:girl ratio - generally 50:50 and probably the only reason people still come here is that it does tend to attract a fair share of better-than-your-average looking young folk...talkin' 'bout their young stuff.
Toys - there's a stripper pole downstairs. Oh, also, they allegedly let people smoke whatever they please til whenever in the morning.
Age of clientele - too young to give a shit and/or know any better. Just remember kids, lust is fleeting, but those bumps'll come back every fall like the NBA.
Space for dancing? - jeah jeah jeah jeah. This is actually mostly what this place is known for. Kids stay gettin' it crackin' on the dance floor...downstairs and upstairs.
Music medium, style & volume - they have loud-as-omg bands downstairs every so often, but usually the music emanates from both the upstairs and downstairs DJ booths. Apparently, Telly from Kids and Johnny from the Wire spin on Saturday nights.
Specials or most popular drink - seriously, it smells like foot funk mixed with skunk farts in here most of the time. Grimey as all hell. They should change their name from Lit Lounge to Grimey as A Bucket of Ballsack Lounge. SMH.

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Savalas

285 Bedford Ave (btw S 1st St. & Grand St.)

Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 599-5965

Bathroom situation - 3 or 4 unisex single-person units in the back with a communal sink. So, question-time commenters, when you see a guy & girl come out of one of the b-rooms together, do you think it's more likely they're doing coke or doing the pants-on-the-ground lambada (that's the forbidden dance)? Cuz they damn sure ain't doin both. Food for thought, but Visceralist gets annoyed either way.
Takes credit cards? - (Teddy Riley voice) Yep Yep.
Crowded on weekends?- yeah, the weekend is when this spot gets sweaty. The bouncers do a good job of keeping it from getting downright unruly, but "accidental" ass grabs will def be a must, trust.
Seating - this place prolly has one of the highest booth : square-foot ratios of any bar of its kind in the wburg diaspora. That said, you'll still have almost no chance of getting a seat at one unless your clique got there sometime that's not up in the between 11pm and 2am [ed. the grammar police just called in the grammar SWAT team after reading that sentence...smh].
Neighborhood - On the border between the tan-with-your-top-off part of Williamsburg and the clutch-your-pearls part of Williamsburg. That's a metaphor. No, but really...
Pretentious/assholes - the dance floor is usually pretty audacious (more on that later), so it seems like most folks here check their middle school insecurity at the door.
Cost of Stella -fuck, Visceralist got here at like 2am on a Saturday night recently (got a booth), but we're blanking. Prolly cuz we got here at like 2am on a Saturday night.
What time people start showing up- the Yelp reviews of this place are just *mwwwahh* in their would-be precociousness. Check out Vinci from the BX's review in particular. Reviews like this are why Visceralist started Visceralist.com.
Bartender efficiency - you'll def be waiting for a bit (even when the dance floor is jumpin) but just a bit.
Official Website - here. It asks you to visit their Facebook, but doesn't provide a link or re-direct. Might as well link to their fuckin Orkut page...
Food? How late - does water count? [ed. No, and you know it doesn't.] Cuz they have that at the sinks.
TVs? What's on- nope, so no bootleg Inception viewin' for you. Visceralist's mind was the scene of an orgasm, btw.
Guy:girl ratio - girls tend to get harassed on the dance floor here, but still come in droves, so what does that tell you...
Toys- you can smoke in the "porch" area out front.
Age of clientele - how old is too old, really? Kobe's 31 and Lord of the Fuckin Rings, so what does that tell you...
Space for dancing? - yeah, so this is really the only reason to come to this place. Best dance spot in the Burg-burg. Gully. Juice.
Music medium, style & volume- DJ'd and hip hop to the break of dawn, like come on now. That they're in Wburg and play hip-hop all night makes Savalas an oasis in a desert of bland garage-rock...like that shit's gonna come back. Fuck the fuck outta here with all that bougie...
Specials or most popular drink - Killa said he's heroin (pronounced "hair-ron") and sex in one...dope as fuck!

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Mug Lounge

448 E. 13th St (btw 1st & A)
New York, NY 10009
(646) 746-1357

Bathroom situation - two bisexual closets in between the bar and the "lounge" area. Both are fairly clean, but they have Bounty paper towel rolls there, not like a dispenser. So now you're thinking about how brokeass that is, but they also have candles and framed paintings all up in there too, so now you're like "this must be what the good apartments in the Bronx are like."
Takes credit cards? - yes, but with a savvy $15 min. Savvy when most of the happy hour drinks are $6 each (you do the math).
Crowded on weekends? - hysterical. I was ready to devour this section like the end of the Col. Landa / von Hammersmark scene in Inglorious Basterds...but...it seems kinda un-gentlemanly. This place is so frequently empty as to inspire remiscences of the good ol' days of money-laundering fronts back in late 80's NYC. [ed. that's a bingo!]
Seating - like Mike Vick right after a 2 year bid and at an afterparty at a club in the ATL that notoriously caters to insecure chicks...you'll have your fuckin pick.
Neighborhood - across the street from 13th street's only sick apartment building. You'll be much better off if you somehow find a friend who lives there and go chill on their sectional.
Type of crowd - n/a
Pretentious/assholes - no comment....cuz there's never anyone here, it's sorta like dividing any number by zero. You'll just wind up annoyed and kinda sad.
Cost of Stella - this place's one saving grace is that they have it at the market rate of $6/pint.
What time people start showing up - if people ever show up at this place it'll be because Channel 5 News is covering someone who got noodle-knocked across the street and the camera man and sound guy need a taste in between takes lest they kill themselves.
Bartender efficiency - not sure if Visceralist had a bad experience here once or if it's endemic, but the bitch bartender said they don't make mojitos then put a menu on the bar that listed mojitos. That's just poor.
Official Website - here. They confidently advertise that they have an "event space" where any other respectable bar would call the large section of their continuously-empty square-footage a "tax write-off." That's simple economics, bitches.
Food? How late - they have orange and lemon slices to put in the drinks, but given how crowded this place never gets, they're prolly expired.
TVs? What's on - stop trying to make them feel bad.
Guy:girl ratio - unclear...the bartenders here aren't that cute, so presumably no dude would come here alone. Will have to get back to you.
Toys - most of the couches in the "lounge" area have cushions. That's about all you're getting.
Age of clientele - folks too old to realize that just hanging out near Alphabet City dosn't make you subversive in the least. Plus, all the kids who would bother making fun of you are in the bar a few doors down: Key Bar.
Space for dancing? - Visceralist hates discouraging weaklings from dancing, but seriously if you even try here you are a prime candidate for YouTube or AFV or I don't know what...
Grimeyness - if Bloomberg's maid has a housekeeper...prolly like her house.
ID Check Procedure - "Get your ass in here."
Music medium, style & volume - house music. And yeah, all the bad (puke) connotations.
Specials or most popular drink - on Friday 2 for 1 drinks, but tons of exceptions, so just go to Key Bar.
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Max Fish

178 Ludlow St. (btw Houston & Stanton)
New York, NY 10002
(212) 529-3959

Bathroom situation - two or three single-person units in the back, replete with the tags, stickers & all-purpose grime that makes the LES so GD lovable. Women, make sure to stretch your thighs before heading here, cuz the hover-piss is a must.
Takes credit cards? - fuck you for asking.
Crowded on weekends? - does a chick hover-piss over a toilet in the LES?
Seating - 10ish stools at the bar, 3 or 4 plastic booths opposite the bar. Ample seating in the rear, though. Which is a good point. Somehow the front part is always dumb packed like people can't see that there's a huge area in the back. W'evs.
Neighborhood - next door to a newish luxury apartment called The Ludlow. Rents start at $3k, so if any of its residents are at Max Fish, it's prolly as a goof or something.
Type of crowd - Visceralist wants to dead the term "hipster" just like Jay-Z ended auto-tune. So yeah, tons of hipsters.
Pretentious/assholes - M'Fish seems to attract some spillover from the nearby Motor City, but other than that, most people here are sweethearts.
Cost of Stella - prolly like $6ish [ed. the fuck are we keeping this category for, it's the same every week] Cuz Stella's awesome.
What time people start showing up - 10ish.
Bartender efficiency - if they ain't putting any effort into serving bebidas frescas, Visceralist ain't putting any effort into talkin' 'bout 'em.
Official Website - here. Hilariously out of date, and really they should just take it down cuz that'll at least give them some mystique.
Food? How late - no, so keep your mom happy and line the ol' estomago before getting your Dean Martin on here. Also, tell her Visceralist says "Mwah!"
TVs? What's on - no, but the walls are busy enough to keep you looking good and distracted if you're here alone.
Guy:girl ratio - Leaning towards Guy.
Toys - Soulja Boy jumps out of bed and turns his swag on. Then! He looks in the mirror and says "What's up." What the fuck did you do this morning?
Age of clientele - if you have to ask, you're too old.
Space for dancing? - no, but can one really dance to the sound of a once-cool scene being so over? [ed. damn, what was that for?]
Grimeyness - picture next to dictionary entry, etc...
ID Check Procedure - they actually do have one of those dudes on the stool right by the entrance, but he doesn't have a scanner so it's fairly subjective. Hoochies need apply.
Music medium, style & volume - combo iPod / Juke, but the Juke doesn't really work. As for the volume, there's no need to get your Andrew WK on or anything.
Specials or most popular drink - unless you got the hook up, or the pumps in the bumps, you're paying full price, loser.
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Fat Baby

112 Rivington St.
New York, NY 10002
(212) 533-1888

Bathroom situation - downright scandalous. There's one hidden around the first corner to the left as you enter. Wack wack. Then there's two downstairs, but they're as dirty as Piano's. Best bet is to go before you head over here or rock your LV colostomy bag.
Takes credit cards? - yes, but this place is wild shady, so stop by an ATM first. Bank of America, Chase & WaMu are all within a block of this spot, so don't trip.
Crowded on weekends? - see, this is the thing. This place (along with Libation) is one of the few places in the LES to regularly enforce a line on the weekend. Everytime Visceralist walks by this place on the weekend (on the way to a better bar) the words "For what?!" bubble up out of our lips. It's instinctive. And apt.
Seating - this place functions as a combination dive/lounge/venue so, as you walk through the place, the seating is as such: inadequate # of stools -> plenty of plush I Dream of Jeanie couches -> nathan.
Neighborhood - Visceralist's boy Mikey calls this the "lone posh block in the LES." Dude has a few Muse songs memorized and thinks he's British. Smh.
Type of crowd - dudes who wear size "mwah!" jeans and the fools who love them. Plus your usual B&T scumbos.
Pretentious/assholes - unfortunately, kinda. This place is owned by the same people who run the remarkable Spitzer's Corner, but somehow it still comes off kind of like the set of a "typical hipstery NYC bar" in a Ron Howard movie.
Cost of Stella - on tap: $6. So like $7 w/tip.
What time people start showing up - line starts forming 11:30ish. Unfortunately, no real reason to get here before then.
Bartender efficiency - not a lot of lushes here, so not a lot of pressure at the ol' lean-to. So take your time deciding between the Sierra Nevada and the Brooklyn Lager. It makes a difference.
Official Website - here. Has all the basics: mostly empty calendar of events, html form for reserving private parties, list of beers they sell (oh snap, they have Guiness!). Plus it's pink (for what?!).
Food? How late - A decent halal cart sets up right around the corner on most weekend nights, so hold the bacon!
TVs? What's on - pssshht.
Guy:girl ratio - if there's an equal mix of girls and guys here, and they're both mostly banal, does it make a sound really matter?
Toys - bands (like friend-of-a-friend status) in the basement sometimes.
Age of clientele - as Visceralist is hitting oldish age, everyone looks younger and younger. So, let's say, mostly 25-27 yr olds.
Space for dancing? - yes, both the lounge section and the downstairs area are replete with rug for the cutting! Stick to a simple two-step though, this ain't Madonna's "Ray of Light" video, ok? (ha, would Youtube-link it, but apparently Warner didn't clear it for YouTube...drammmaaaa!)
Décor - dark, loungey, dark. Bland ad infinity.
Grimeyness - downstairs is fucked. Like you seriously might find a cracked egg on the wall for no reason. Upstairs is slightly better, but seriously who could tell with the wearing-sunglasses-indoors vibe here.
ID Check Procedure - they have a bouncer but the ID check is definitely secondary to how many tiny LV's or GG's you've managed to squeeze into your outfit.
Music medium, style & volume - loud, but not "loud-as-dick!" loud. Your usual indie-rock meets top 40 bullshit. Pfft.
Specials or most popular drink - bottle service in the house! But they misspelled "Christal" on their website so sniff the cork before you sign the $385 + tip bill.
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Mehanata Bulgarian Bar

113 Ludlow St.

New York, NY 10002
(212) 625-0981

Bathroom situation - one unisex cubicle in the rear (back...and to the left) on the street level, two on the lower level. The ground-floor one is a hot mess, but the ones in the basement are damn-near romantic.
Takes credit cards? - yes, but there's a $20 min which is strictly enforced...though it may actually be $15, we don't remember. Only one way to find out!
Crowded on weekends? - whooo, child....that seems to be the calling card for this place, which gets crowded, steamy, sweaty, and grope-y most Thu-Sat nights. Apparently, this is the main attraction for most of Mehanata's clientele, so dress accordingly.
Seating - downright dearthy.
Neighborhood - the tail-end of the LES strip. Across the street from the cheapest parking garage in the LES.
Type of crowd - so this place regularly stays open well past 4:00am, and you don't even have to know somebody who knows somebody to enjoy this. Just get there before 4 and kick it like Taebo till your legs give out.
Pretentious/assholes - generally yes, but they're usually outnumbered by the weirdos and the Sergei's who consider this place homeplate.
Cost of Stella - only have it in bottles here, but it'll still run you the neighborhood-standard $6.
What time people start showing up - some at 11:30ish, some at 3:58ish.
Bartender efficiency - bartenders here are mostly female and mostly wavy. They're also almost uniformly hard-assish, but they still get it in.
Official Website - here. Flashy, but not terribly substantive. However, they have a somewhat extensive photo & video gallery, so don't think you can just creep-creep off in here with your jump-off and not risk catching some trials and tribulations from wifey/hubby.
Food? How late - not saying this place is grimey, but Visceralist has peeked in the employees-only back room and though they don't technically serve food here, in some ways even the ice cubes could probably be considered, um, fortified. [ed. j/k]
TVs? What's on - no, but Hulu has an iPhone app coming soon so just hold on.
Guy:girl ratio - 50:50 and the tube-tops be poppin!
Toys - this place is so visually arresting in so many ways that you'll be plenty distracted w/o a pool table, dart board or n'er none of that shit.
Age of clientele - veers 30ish, though SVA's dorms are now right next door so this could soon change, with sexy results....
Space for dancing? - street-level floor: not really, but that doesn't stop anyone. Downstairs: plenty of room cuz the neon light overdose is apparently a turnoff, so feel free to let your leg get as stanky as it needs to be!
Décor - fake palm trees, wood-grain, disco ball, strobe lights....basically what a Bulgarian-American would think a Bulgarian bar would look like having never even visited the old country.
Grimeyness - charming enough to make you not really care about it.
ID check procedure Historical tidbit - this place used to be an S&M/goth club called SeHo.
Music medium, style & volume - music is (a) often loud as shit and (b) supplied by a real-life Oompa-Loompa band. If you're as drunk as you should be while here, it'll totally make sense.
Specials or most popular drink - $2 Recession Wine.
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Barramundi Bar

67 Clinton St (btw Rivington & Stanton)

New York, NY 10002-2400
(212) 529-6999

Bathroom situation - two unisex, lockable bathrooms in the rear. The one on the left is big 'n' comfy. The one on the right looks like it was airlifted in from the City of God.
Takes credit cards? - Ask them if they do and they'll tell you "no" with a smirk.
Crowded on weekends? - If you mean Sundays from 9am - 5pm, then no. Any other parts of the weekend, then yes, doi! Helloooo...
Seating - 5 booths, 10 stools. The tables at the booths here are kinda gnarly cuz they're made from actual wood-bearing tree stumps.
Neighborhood - On Clinton Street, which is like the Park Avenue of the LES.
Type of crowd - A bunch of trick muthafuckas that like to trick off all their little trick money. J/k.
Pretentious/assholes - despite being centrally located in the alleged upscale part of the LES, the crowd is largely d-bag deficient.
Cost of Stella - a nice, even $6.
What time people start showing up - around the time that the trivia nights at other local bars are winding down.
Bartender efficiency - only one, but this place is cozy in nature so it's [ed. usually] sufficient.
Official Website - here. Hilariously brokeass the fuck. Like on some Geocities shit. Leading that whole comedy-HTML movement you keep hearing about.
Food? How late - they have a huge sangria jar with real-looking fruit up in it, but who's to say...
TVs? What's on - yes, but 100% at the 'tenders discretion. Do not be coming here to catch up on Lost, johnny boy.
Guy:girl ratio - somehow this is actually a date-y type place. It's also a lonely-chick-looking-for-je-ne-sais-quois type place.
Toys - if you got The Dream's new album on your iPod, that's all you really need.
Age of clientele - dawn till dusk.
Space for dancing - note to all the girls who like need to drop it like it's haaawwwwttt...this is more of a pre-gaming spot. Plan accordingly.
Décor - red...candles....mostly red & candles. And xmas lights.
Grimeyness - definitely one of those spots that looks like it's pretty decent but if you saw it in some pure daylight or flourescence, you'd be like "Peewww, blech, blech, ugh, blech, pew, PEW PEW PEW, blech. Where's the bleach? Where's the razors? Where's my wrists?"
ID check procedure - Must be yea tall to get in. Yea = 2'+.
Hood specificity - how good is the new The-Dream album, btw?
Music medium, style & volume - indie nonsense from that forgettable decade. The one where they called it GRID.
Specials or most popular drink - from the previously mentioned website: ...
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151

151 Rivington St. (btw Suffold & Clinton St.)
New York, NY 10002
(212) 228-4139

Bathroom situation - two unisex single-person jawns behind a classy bead curtain.
Takes credit cards? - If you walk in here and actually have a credit card in your left, right, back or front pocket, the locals will sniff it out and you will likely be mugged and/or set up before you leave this lovely basement. So, no...
Crowded on weekends? - yeah, but no, but...
Seating - a few ramshackle tables in front and a handful of seats in the bar. They have an erstwhile-VIP room in the back, but it's right next to the bathroom situation, so it's prolly stanky.
Neighborhood - slightly off-the-grid LES...make sure someone knows where you are.
Type of crowd - An ok mix of garbage and sentients. Visceralist's good story about this place: was chilling, talking to some chick one on one at a table and some whiteboy in a black hoody and un-trendy jeans walks up to us like "Hey, you want to buy some cocaine?"...Clearly he was a Narco, but damn, do you think cats that come here are that ign'ant...or coke-deficient? NYPD FAIL.
Pretentious/assholes - the cream of the crowd here are all "in a band." If you're the type who doesn't care to ask any follow-up questions, you'll fit right on in.
Cost of Stella - not sure if they even have Heineken here. If you're the kind of cunt who needs a Stella, just order a PBR and fake it until you can convince whomever you're with to go somewhere else.
What time people start showing up - this place is so dark at all times that all sense of time falls into a quantum wormhole...that falls into a bottle of tequila...that's sold for $4/shot. Cheap shit.
Bartender efficiency - usually two at the bar, one male, one female. Both probably lucid?
Official Website - n/a. Gully...gangsta...pimpin...lazy...
Food? How late - um, you can get some food for thought if you bring an "unconvential" looking girl here.
TVs? What's on - tv = the devil.
Guy:girl ratio - leans towards being dude-heavy, but chicks can be easily convinced to come here if they're ign'ant and you can sell it as a "hip" LES "hangout."
Toys - um, the bead-curtains near the bathroom are pretty cheeky, but otherwise, nah...you're on your own.
Age of clientele - regardless the age, no one here knows any better.
Space for dancing - no, this is more of a pre-dancing place. Like you can test out some drop-it-like-it's-hot moves here to some White Stripes before you bust them out at Pianos, where it really counts.
Décor - wisely, they made this place too dark to really know what the hell you're looking at, stepping on, talking to. Hopefully, by the time you get here you're drunk enough to be past all that type of bourgeois paraphernalia.
Grimeyness - the front door has SPRAY PAINTED "tags" on it...I mean, c'mon...is that what we're doing now? Is that the movement?
ID check procedure - Breathing? Get in.
Hood specificity - the ELES. Where everyone who's over the main LES, but isn't invited to the really cool parties goes...
Music medium, style & volume - the only reason Visceralist really wrote this review...to warn ppl that this place is LOUD AS fuck. You will only be able to hear the person sitting right across from you if he/she has both an 808 and an auto-tune console underneath the left and right side of the tongue in his/her mouth.
Specials or most popular drink - they prolly have some kind of BS, but it usually feels like they think that you're lucky to even get in here, so...take that, take that. Bad Boy, baby. Can't stop...
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Dark Room

165 Ludlow St.
New York, NY 10002
(212) 353-0536

Bathroom situation - the bar's divided up into two rooms, right & left. The left has 2 unisex bathrooms in the back. The right has two larger multi-person bathrooms in the back. Now, this is an obvious joke, but the lines involved with these bathrooms have nothing to do with queues.
Takes credit cards? - yes, though you may want to hang on to at least one card for its powder-organizing capabilities.
Crowded on weekends? - even though this place has fallen in and out of being cool and been closed by the cops and re-opened more times than Visceralist dares think about, it still apparently retains some charm...for those seeking permissive bars.
Seating - several nice pleather-padded booths in both rooms. Scant chairs at the bar.
Neighborhood - the bosom of the LES.
Type of crowd - let's just say that if Young Jeezy is actually anything like the persona he portrays in his 2005 masterpiece album "Let's Get It: Thug Motivation 101" he could prolly make more money here on a Saturday night than he's making through music.
Pretentious/assholes - yeah, but who isn't when they're this wasted. Seriously, they have a "Must be this fucked-up out of your mind to enter" sign on the front.
Cost of Stella - not sure if they have this here actually...tho they prolly do.
What time people start showing up - this place is either totes dead or dumb crowded depending on the day, but you'll usually be able to tell which type of nite it's gonna be by 11pm.
Bartender efficiency - on the crowded nites, 2-3 bartenders at both bars. It can get a little tricky, but people generally focus on dancing, bullshitting or bathrooming so it's not too bad.
Official Website - n/a, but for some reason Zagat saw fit to review this blight.
Food? How late - no, but if you're here you're most likely on SOME kind of appetite-suppressant, so...
TVs? What's on - no TVs, but you wouldn't be able to pay attention to them anyway, so fuck it.
Guy/girl ratio - 50/50 we think.
Toys - most people bring their own.
Age of clientele - there's a reason this place stays getting shut down...actually multiple reasons.
Space for dancing - Yeah, there's actually some decent jiggy-gettin on the weekend. This is Visceralist's favorite dance, btw.
Décor - Not as dark as the name suggests.
Grimeyness - you know what it is.
ID check procedure - Actually fairly strict here and sometimes have one of those ID card swiper joints. Meh.
Hood specificity - This IS your granddad's LES.
Music medium, style & volume - Usually a DJ and usually 80s, but still extra decent.
Specials or most popular drink - happy hour: no one comes here during happy hour.
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Iggy's

132 Ludlow St.

New York, NY 10002
(212) 529-2731‎

Bathroom situation - 2 single-person bathrooms...ostensibly men/women but the clientele doesn't seem to distinguish too keenly.
Takes credit cards? - yeah, with a grunt.
Crowded on weekends? - people come here to wait to meet other people, but they tend to stay "for a bit" so it can get a little touchy-feely.
Wifi? - no (I really need to ditch this metric).
Seating - 15ish seats at the bar. 2 tables and 4 large booths which are perched atop a platform. The booths are all wood, but surprisingly cozy-comfy.
Neighborhood - like an insider's guide to the Lower East Side. Btw, Visceralist has a crazy story about this place that involves a dope-feenin' bike messenger from Bodymore. Email us if you've got nothing else to do, and we'll give you the details.
Type of crowd - I hate to say this, but: trashy, bottom-feeding, and lazy/lonely types.
Pretentious/assholes - need not apply.
Cost of Stella - $6/pint
What time people start showing up - All hours, this place attracts folks like the bar in Demon Knight.
Bartender efficiency - very folksy, so prepare to have your annoyance at the inefficiency drained out by some good ol' fashioned charm.
Official Website - Here. Mentions something about Karaoke, which doesn't actually exist here. Otherwise, the site's unnecessarily busy, so *crickets* to that...
Food? How late - no, punk
TVs? What's on - 3 flat screens filled with all the programing basic cable allows.
Guy/girl ratio - 60/40
Toys - A graffitti'd Big Buck Hunter.
Age of clientele - 20s-30s with most folks acting 10 years younger than their biological age.
Space for dancing - Maybe for a mini-Charleston or a condensed tootsie-roll, but not much else.
Décor - As red as The Enemy in Demon Knight.
Grimeyness - It feels like they prolly clean up the place every now and then, but want to make it look like they're too cool to clean up.
ID check procedure - Bouncer (no further comment).
Hood specificity - The oft-overlooked LES.
Music medium, style & volume - and eclectic mix alternating from the juke & bartender's iPod. Volume is at just the right level to give you the feeling that your evening is being personally soundtracked by Quentin Tarantino.
Specials or most popular drink - happy hour:
Profile - Google first page results: review by NY Mag, but this place often gets confused with its UES non-union equivalent. :(

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