Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Fat Baby

112 Rivington St.
New York, NY 10002
(212) 533-1888

Bathroom situation
- downright scandalous. There's one hidden around the first corner to the left as you enter. Wack wack. Then there's two downstairs, but they're as dirty as Piano's. Best bet is to go before you head over here or rock your LV colostomy bag.
Takes credit cards? - yes, but this place is wild shady, so stop by an ATM first. Bank of America, Chase & WaMu are all within a block of this spot, so don't trip.
Crowded on weekends? - see, this is the thing. This place (along with Libation) is one of the few places in the LES to regularly enforce a line on the weekend. Everytime Visceralist walks by this place on the weekend (on the way to a better bar) the words "For what?!" bubble up out of our lips. It's instinctive. And apt.
Seating - this place functions as a combination dive/lounge/venue so, as you walk through the place, the seating is as such: inadequate # of stools -> plenty of plush I Dream of Jeanie couches -> nathan.
Neighborhood - Visceralist's boy Mikey calls this the "lone posh block in the LES." Dude has a few Muse songs memorized and thinks he's British. Smh.
Type of crowd - dudes who wear size "mwah!" jeans and the fools who love them. Plus your usual B&T scumbos.
Pretentious/assholes - unfortunately, kinda. This place is owned by the same people who run the remarkable Spitzer's Corner, but somehow it still comes off kind of like the set of a "typical hipstery NYC bar" in a Ron Howard movie.
Cost of Stella - on tap: $6. So like $7 w/tip.
What time people start showing up - line starts forming 11:30ish. Unfortunately, no real reason to get here before then.
Bartender efficiency - not a lot of lushes here, so not a lot of pressure at the ol' lean-to. So take your time deciding between the Sierra Nevada and the Brooklyn Lager. It makes a difference.
Official Website - here. Has all the basics: mostly empty calendar of events, html form for reserving private parties, list of beers they sell (oh snap, they have Guiness!). Plus it's pink (for what?!).
Food? How late - A decent halal cart sets up right around the corner on most weekend nights, so hold the bacon!
TVs? What's on - pssshht.
Guy:girl ratio - if there's an equal mix of girls and guys here, and they're both mostly banal, does it make a sound really matter?
Toys - bands (like friend-of-a-friend status) in the basement sometimes.
Age of clientele - as Visceralist is hitting oldish age, everyone looks younger and younger. So, let's say, mostly 25-27 yr olds.
Space for dancing? - yes, both the lounge section and the downstairs area are replete with rug for the cutting! Stick to a simple two-step though, this ain't Madonna's "Ray of Light" video, ok? (ha, would Youtube-link it, but apparently Warner didn't clear it for YouTube...drammmaaaa!)
D├ęcor - dark, loungey, dark. Bland ad infinity.
Grimeyness - downstairs is fucked. Like you seriously might find a cracked egg on the wall for no reason. Upstairs is slightly better, but seriously who could tell with the wearing-sunglasses-indoors vibe here.
ID Check Procedure - they have a bouncer but the ID check is definitely secondary to how many tiny LV's or GG's you've managed to squeeze into your outfit.
Music medium, style & volume
- loud, but not "loud-as-dick!" loud. Your usual indie-rock meets top 40 bullshit. Pfft.
Specials or most popular drink - bottle service in the house! But they misspelled "Christal" on their website so sniff the cork before you sign the $385 + tip bill.

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