Friday, September 3, 2010


157 Avenue C
New York, NY 10009
(212) 254-6600

Bathroom situation
- SMGDH. There's 1 M & 1 W single-person safe-deposit boxes just past the bar. Last time Visceralist was here (on a Friday nite), the line for the M was longer than the W's, and was even moving slower (no, like seriously). Several times, Visceralist said "Eff this ess" and went to the bar across the street, which turned out to be substantially quicker. And, the one time we decided to actually wait in line for the M, we wound up waiting for a solid 10 mins, knocking on the door several times to no avail. Gentlemen, just for your own reference, there is no reason you should ever in your whole worthless life spend more than 1.5 mins in a bar bathroom (unless you're smooshin' [ed. that term better stand the test of time]). Come to find that the culprit was a barback who actually spent that whole time trying unsuccessfully to fix the fucking terlit, which was now busted, thank you very much (and can you wait another minute?). Now, presumably this doesn't happen every single night of the week, but when it comes to bathrooms, once is way, way, way too many times.
Takes credit cards? - Yelp says yes, their site says no, and Visceralist doesn't really remember. In any event, they do have a fine assortment of $3 & $4 beers, so a card may not really be necessary, depending on how liquid your portfolio is.
Crowded on weekends?- the back-porch region is gullyrific (to be specific), so yeah, expect to do some shoulder-first walkin'.
Seating - Royale is a tiddly bit more restauranty than most bars in the area, so the seating (if you include the outdoor area in the back) is ample like Madea's bosom.
Neighborhood - the part of the EV that seems to be degentrifying of late, but is still mostly fine until like 1am-ish.
Pretentious/assholes - Visceralist was choppin' it up with a few dudes in the line for the restroom on a recent visit and, though they were most definitely some ol' "I like a wide variety of music...except for country & rap" type muhs, they seemed mostly harmless.
Cost of Stella - same price as what Visceralist paid for the new Interpol album (which is that new hot shit, btw) $6.
What time people start showing up - when Visceralist arrived here at 11pm on the aforementioned Friday, it was already heaving like Martin Lawrence's bosom in those Big Momma's House movies.
Bartender efficiency - we spent most of our time in the wayyy back part of the porch area, and thus were restricted to wait-service. The waitress did a perfectly acceptable job of handling our relatively large group though, so we'll refrain from our usual bickering.
Official Website - here. The flash interface could use some bug-testing and the wholly unnecessary Links section has been "coming soon" for a while, but otherwise it's mad adequate.
Food? How late - so, Royale sometimes shows up in those "Best Burgers in NYC" lists, and we can see why (put any ol' bullshit on a brioche bun these days and you're a fucking contender). But honestly, you'd be better off just sticking with the liquid burgers (i.e. beer) [ed. ok, that joke doesn't work on any level...but hey, Lebron doesn't make every shot]
TVs? What's on - from their Yelp page: "We now have a 55" flat screen tv in the heated backyard showing all major sporting events daily. Come catch up with your favorite team!" So, that's a thing.
Guy:girl ratio - probably close to the male:female ratio in the infamous dinner scene in the Eddie Murphy version of "The Nutty Professor."
Toys - nothing to update your Facebook status about.
Age of clientele - remember that scene in Coming to America where Hakeem and Semi go out to a nightclub in Queens and they meet a bunch of different chicks and one of them is Arsenio in drag who says "I wanna tear you apart...and your friend too." Most of the folks here are roughly as old as those characters.
Space for dancing? - don't bother.
Music medium, style & volume - negligible.
Specials or most popular drink - in a perfect bar, Stellas would be $3/pint until 10pm and $5 thereafter. Also, there'd never be any bathroom lines (still can't believe that bullshit...). Royale is pleasant enough, but far from a perfect bar.

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