Friday, October 19, 2012

Hair of the Dog

168 Orchard Street (corner of Stanton)
New York, NY 10002
(212) 477-7771

Bathroom situation - “When shaving, a man rereads his truest memoir.” Handle that one,!
Takes credit cards? - yes, effusively, and they’ll even give it back to you when you ask for it back. But you better sign that shit!
Crowded on weekends? - it's barely been open for a full weekend, so commenters should weigh in on this one right here.
Seating - this building used to house a French-ish type brunch place that had those rinky dink tables that never reminded people of authentic French bistros and always reminded people that the LES was overrated.
Neighborhood - Visceralist commandeered a cab around here recently that was driven by a white man with an American accent. That didn’t actually happen.
Pretentious/assholes - with a decor like this, a name like that and a female bar-staff like the proverbial, this has all the potential in the land to become the ultimate “What’s your dad do, bitch?!” dbag circlefuck that we here at Visceralist secretly love (to fuck with [cuz we’re jealous]). Let’s see how it goes, bitch!
Cost of Stella - probably $6 - Visceralist was coming off a tough pub trivia loss when we were here the other night, so our brain’s official report on this is heavily redacted.
What time people start showing up - Danny Bowien (owner of the slap-yo-momma ill Mission Chinese nearby) was in attendance when we were last here. He got here at 12:30ish and left shortly thereafter. So do what he done did.
Bartender efficiency - it wasn’t too crowded, so we’re not sure how well they’ll traffic-cop the more bountiful nights, but no ‘plaints so far.
Official Website - here. Just a Fbook page so far, which is pretty wack, but they’re new so chill the fuck out, then tell me what’s your dad do, bitch!
Food? How late - they apparently have a menu here, but it doesn’t have any appreciable web presence at the moment. Their menu’s dad doesn’t make much money, hahahahahahahahhaha! He drives a Dodge Stratus!! ROFL!
TVs? What's on - yes, sports, which means it’ll face some stiff competition from fellow Orchard street stand-outs Sixth Ward, 200 & the always-lovable Lucky Jacks.
Guy:girl ratio - sports bar, but they’re still eking out their LES-bar-scene rep, so it remains to be seen whether it’ll be 80:20 or 80.5:19.5.
Toys - our TV here at Visceralist HQ just broke down (right in time for the Halo 4 launch of course, fuck!). Commenters, hook it up.
Age of clientele - we’ll take any flat screen from like 2005-present.
Space for dancing? - apparently they’ll have DJs spinning at some point, but it’ll be on some UES pub shit more like. Also, the lighting is curiously bright, so you probably aren’t gonna want to Cat Daddy your caboose around with your eyes closed too much anyway, lest someone capture it on their RED Scarlet and make you famous.
Music medium, style & volume - what have Clap Your Hands Say Yeah been up to lately, anyway?
Specials or most popular drink - let’s all just keep calm and drink some Laphroaig, shit...

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