Saturday, June 30, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
27 Broadway (Btw Kent & Dunham Pl.)
Brooklyn, NY 11211
Bathroom situation - 2 single-person unisex units just around the kitty-corner in the back, to the left. Both big enough to fit “one” person and clean enough to really get down to some raw, intense, up-against-the-wall or bent-over-gripping-the-sink, god-fuck-yes “thinking” done.
Takes credit cards? - Visceralist just bought a cap at a boutique store that used a Square card-reader via an iPhone 3GS. It borked reading the card a bunch of times and dude had to eventually type in our Black Amex # which sort of defeated the purpose. Still, the cap is fly, so if you see Visceralist out, give us our due dap, sucka.
Crowded on weekends? - Donna is fairly new, out of the way, and generally only known to the South WBurg locals - having said that, they do have some fly DJs Thur-Sat and it is pretty small, so mathematize that yourself.
Seating - 18 stools at the bar, a smattering of small tables just opposite and a large, communal-style table in the back which can accommodate a good sized going-away party (even if you just know the non-profit world isn’t for her).
Neighborhood - just next to a robust construction site that appears to be erecting what looks like a Holiday Inn designed by whoever it is that draws Emojis.
Pretentious/assholes - nah, man. It’s well off the radar of most NYC bolos, so conviviality is a must.
Cost of Stella - not a thing here, which is a deep d’oh.
What time people start showing up - tea-time in the meantime. But for real, for real, the crowd dynamic here is fairly fluid, so just come whenever, bring whover, dress however, say whatever, pay whatever they tell you to pay, then put another 20% on it.
Bartender efficiency - a cursory glance at the Yelp reviews of Donna will paint an unflattering, George Condo-esqe portrait of the service here, but in our experience, this is not to be believed. Now granted, good-looking, charismatic, bon-vivant, fly-than-a-muhfuh stunnas dressed in all Etiqueta Negra everything tend to get better service than most, but hey...
Official Website - here. A bit more minimalist than we typically condone (where the fuck is the menu?), but an adequate first draft.
Food? How late - yes, small plates. They have a $10 tomato on there for some reason, which is unequivocally trife, but the rest is cute enough.
TVs? What's on - nope, so you’ll have to pick another spot for your Breaking Bad premiere party. July 15th can’t cook soon enough.
Guy:girl ratio - can easily tip in either direction because the space is so cozy-comfy.
Toys - to guys who come to bars on their own with no plans to meet anyone and no smartphone with which to appear distracted, I say: “You’re better than me.”
Age of clientele - appears to skew early-30s, which is the new late-20s according to people in their 50s (new 30s).
Space for dancing? - no, which is odd considering that...
Music medium, style & volume - DJs Thur-Sun night.
Specials or most popular drink - all cocktail everything.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
142 Bleecker St. (Btw Laguardia Pl & Thompson St)
NYC, NY 10012
Bathroom situation - 2 in the back corner (helpfully illuminated with an old-timey “WC” globe light). They’re both clean as a whistle and have those “one faucet for hot and a separate one for cold” sinks that never annoy anyone and aren’t at all pointless and everyone loves and speaks of highly.
Takes credit cards? - (Tommy from Martin voice) Yeeeeaaaahhhhhhh, daaaawwwwggggg...God, what a fuckin’ great show. Gonna go watch a few episodes on YouTube now, brb.
Crowded on weekends? - haha, Martin told someone to “Get to steppin’!” Classic.
Seating - long-ass bar like that one in the Saloon in Back to the Future III: Fuck Any Semblance of Time-Travelling Logic, We Gettin’ Money! Plus a smattering of tables in the “restauranty” section and an outdoor patio area with 10 or so tables along Laguardia Pl.
Neighborhood - it’s become a cliche to point out that it’s a cliche to talk shit about the part of Greenwich Village that’s firmly tucked under NYU’s taint. The Visceralist can do better, watch.
Pretentious/assholes - dear lord, yes. Also, Visceralist has seen more than one baby in this bar on more than one occasion. I’ve referenced David Cross’ excellent “There’s a baby...in the bar” bit numerous times before, but it’s just as true today as it was whenever he recorded Let America Laugh. I’d elaborate here, but it’s considered gauche in the comedy world to completely rehash another comedian’s bit, so just go buy the DVD.
Cost of Stella - $6 by the bottle, which is surprising because GMT regularly catches flack for over-charging for beer. They have roughly 30 different types on tap, most of which are imported and they’ll generally only run $1 more than market rate - and that’s if you can even find them anywhere else (which you can, but still).
What time people start showing up - they don’t typically attract a huge happy-hour crowd, but the dinner crowd can segue seamlessly into a large “Ok, let’s see...who’s hot in here? Hmmm, ok...who’s cute in here? Hmmm, ok...” crowd before you know it.
Bartender efficiency - they have to dress up here, which sucks, so I feel like I should cut them some slack, but last time Visceralist was here the bartender didn’t get my “So, do you have beer here?” joke, so do with that info what you will.
Official Website - here. It has a large photo of the bar at night and a “website coming soon” notice (this place has been open for over a year) and then a link to itself at the bottom. In retrospect, no wonder they didn’t get my awesome “Hey, uh...so y’all got any beer up in here?” joke.
Food? How late - yeah, big ass British pub-type menu with Scotch Eggs and everything.
TVs? What's on - none immediately visible, but they do have a dropdown screen in the front window onto which they’ll project the occasional EPL football match or MLS soccer game.
Guy:girl ratio - because of the dim lighting they deploy here, it has the veneer of a “Hey, let’s just grab a drink, I know this new British pub-type spot in the Village. The bartenders have great senses of humor.” type date-spot.
Toys - last time Visceralist was here, the head bartender dude had the look of someone who’d probably yell out “Oy!” at me if I tried to “get cute” in his “establishment.” So I left the PUA magic tricks firmly tucked up under my cape that night. Swag.
Age of clientele - early 30s - early 40s if we had to guess.
Space for dancing? - a thousand times no. Don’t you even so much as.
Music medium, style & volume - dulcet and low-key. Unobtrusive and benign. Be easy and let’s chill. Sit down over here, girl, let me say my peace. You don’t like what I have to say or how I say it then I got the tab, your cab and I ain’t even mad. However. You do like they way I use my talk...then let’s get out of here, it’s too loud, and you’re too beautiful. Swag.
Specials or most popular drink - they have that expensive Macallan scotch by the shot.