Thursday, April 9, 2009

Barcade

388 Union Ave
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 302-6464

Bathroom situation
- two multi-person shitholes near the entrance. Seriously, they're as dirty as something from a documentary about how much it sucked to live in an Eastern-Bloc country in the 70s. Goddamn!
Takes credit cards? - Probably. Though your better off bringing cash cuz of all the arcade games and dollar -> quarter machines.
Crowded on weekends? - this place has a gang of cubic footage, so though it does get crowded, it's rarely nuts-to-butts. That said, good luck getting a turn on Rampage Thur-Sat. Ain't that a bitch?
Seating - sparse than a muthafucka. FML, right?
Neighborhood - well within the womb of Williamsburg gentrification.
Type of crowd - Nerdlingers. Leroy Jenkinses. Bus Uncles. That dude who won that Kollaboration 2001 with them Frankenstein moves. Ya dig?
Pretentious/assholes - some wannabe Tyler Durdens out this bitch, but you know how that goes...
Cost of Stella - don't think they have it here, but they're one of those spots that has a rotating menu of imported/local brews. Plus! Cup holders next to every arcade cab. Bamn!
What time people start showing up - Dig Dug o'clock.
Bartender efficiency - if you're coming here to get drunk and don't give a shit about the classic gaming nostalgia on tap, then fuck you! J/k. Bartenders are your typical nitwits trying to bring back that grunge movement and that have never heard of The Foundation series. Ain't that a bitch?
Official Website - here. Surprisingly dope (the fuck?). List of what beers they're currently tap-tap revenging.
Food? How late - plenty of food available in PacMan, Rampage, GTA IV (they don't have that last one here though).
TVs? What's on - so many flickering screens and no Sports Center. Ain't that a bitch? I wanna see LeBron through some chalk in the air, goddammit!
Guy:girl ratio - you know what it is.
Toys - Visceralist thinks they have a pool table here and as far as we know, no one's fucked on it (like the one at Alligator Lounge).
Age of clientele - balding - bald.
Space for dancing - ahahahahhaahaha...seriously, ahahahhaha. Picturing these mugs trying t...hahahahaha.
D├ęcor - surprisingly brokeass. Their arcade-purchasing budget is off the chain, but their gussying-up budget got rocked by Madoff, apparently.
Grimeyness - whooof. I will not...
ID check procedure - tall enough to reach the joystick? Hop in.
Music medium, style & volume - Lots of bleep-bloop...like Radiohead when they sucked back in 2000-2002. [ed. oooooohhhhhhh, snap!]
Specials or most popular drink - whatever the opposite of dignity is.
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