Friday, May 15, 2009

Gallery Bar

120 Orchard St. (btw Delancey & Rivington)
New York, NY 10002

Bathroom situation
- 3 single-human units upstairs, 2 downstairs. Downstairs isn't always open tho. These restrooms feature red lights so be prepared for things to look a lot cooler than they actually are. Presumably this is what it's like for Neo when he pisses.
Takes credit cards? - yes and with little-to-no malfeasance.
Crowded on weekends? - shit, yeah. They've even started in with the velvet rope shit and the Faizon Love-lookin bouncers. The fact that SVA's new dorms are around the corner isn't helping either.
Seating - few bar-stools, but a gang of space on the couches opposite the bar. Almost everyone stands here tho.
Neighborhood - the Disney-fied LES. There's an ATM outside next door. Like out on the street. Shows you how non-terrible this recession is so far...
Type of crowd - as Visceralist is a wannabe artist, you'd think we'd love it here cuz we're also wannabe-pretentious. But, no. The only difference between Gallery Bar and any other address in the meatpacking district is that it has apartments on top of it. So keep your damn voices down.
Pretentious/assholes - Visceralist is sure that no one's naive enough to think there aren't assholes in every cohort, no matter how high-falutin'...ipso facto...
Cost of Stella - fuck...they have the katana-shaped tap for Kirin beer here, so we'll have to get back to you on this...check our Twitter.
What time people start showing up - during the weekend, normal time. During the week, never.
Bartender efficiency - no wheels being re-invented here. Usually two at the upstairs bar which is wildly inefficient but somehow works out decently cuz most people who come here are too skinny to fuck with calories of any kind.
Official Website - here. A flash intro? Really? Is it 2004 out this bitch?! The site is actually wild decent, but they gets no love cuz of that shit.
Food? How late - the obvious joke here has something to do with aesthetic nourishment. Visceralist is so above that.
TVs? What's on - the downstairs portion of this place is set up like the kind of dive bar you'd expect a tv to be hanging up in the corner of, but no. Sadly, no.
Guy:girl ratio - 50 Cent had a mixtape song before he broke big called "I Smell Pussy." This was back in 2002, so clearly he's precognizant.
Toys - One of those old school photobooths that photographs of you and your pimples being tolerated by someone you bought a drink for. I Heart NY!
Age of clientele - young than a muthafucka. You know how you used to pay homeless dudes to buy you liqour and gave him a little premium? Cuz you were underage? So, yeah...
Space for dancing? - yeah and Visceralist actually has to raise the roof for this one. The DJs use Serato and the all those bs DJ tools on their macbooks, but the one good thing about the young artsy class is that they know from jams. Party in Miami!
D├ęcor - so, a revolving cadre of artists' work on the walls. This joint's one redeeming quality is that they actually attract redeeming quality art. Mostly oil on canvas so far, but baby steps...
Grimeyness - despite the velvet rope, this place has a nice, frothy LES grimeyness that will not disappoint those who actually are too cool for this triflin' scene.
ID check procedure - given the 19-20 yr olds that stay gainin admittance to this shithole, you'd think they got that DL voucher from the NYPD that you only hear rumors about (shout out to Max Fish).
Music medium, style & volume
- usually DJs spinnin something produced by Bangladesh, DanjaHandz or Heatmakerz. J/k, Visceralist's wishlist is not in the building. Expect MGMT and their ilk here.
Specials or most popular drink - according to their website, they have bottle service here. Told you my Meatpacking comparison was prescient.

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