Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Blue Seats

157 Ludlow St. (btw Rivington & Stanton)
New York, NY 10002
(212) 614-1494

Bathroom situation
- they got 3 single-person units, so when the clock hits 00:00 you can bet that your bladder lost 14oz - 0. Forealdo, a sports bar with this kind of limited bathroom situation is taking an L till the break of dawn. If you really really have to go, sneak down the street to Spitzer's.
Takes credit cards? - yes ma'am [ed. that's for your "football" team, Michigan...shots fired!].
Crowded on weekends?- depends on whether it's tennis grand-slam season or not. If not, then yes. If so, then no. Which, btw, Agassi said in the new Vanity Fair that he wishes he had Federer's talent. Poor guy...Federer, that is. Now he's gotta play Andre off at tennis dinner parties and suchlike...
Seating - this is where The Blue Seats gets all controversial like Ruby...they have 3 (4?) pretty slick booths equipped with 5 flat-screens each which can fit around 6 or 7 comfortably and which can conceivably play any game in the land that's on at that particular point in time. Catch is that they charge by the hour for them. They also have a sick (you'll hear that word a lot around here) viewing room in the upstairs area in the back which is like something out of an episode of cribs where the guy actually owns the place they're showing (shouts out to Smilez & Southstar). Controversial cuz they dare charge for prime seating real estate like this in the LES, but really can you blame them? Though Visceralist is loathe to defend one of Libation's cousins like this, you know that Local 138 is right down the street and Lucky Jacks is right around the corner, so if you're hatin', (GOB voice:) come on!
Neighborhood- hipstery enough to make The Blue Seats seem out of place cuz it attracts too much khaki and not enough denim, but also gentrified enough to make The Blue Seats seem out of place cuz it attracts too much khaki and not enough cashmere. [ed. can we get the Geneva Convention on the line about this metaphor?]
Pretentious/assholes- let's just say that if Visceralist had an AdSense nickel for every time the phrase "it is what it is" is used around this place over the course of an average month, we'd be able to ditch both AdSense & Visceralist and post up on a hammock in St. Lucia till the Mayan calendar resets and makes everything moot.
Cost of Stella- they have it here in draft form and it'll set you back about as much as a Subway $5 foot-long (+tax)...there's a Subway 3.5 blocks south on Ludlow btw. They don't have Stella though.
What time people start showing up - sports o'clock...which is usually about 3 hours before the Michigan Wolverines lose to THE Ohio State University Buckeyes.
Bartender efficiency- if you're seated and actually getting wait-service, you're basically fucked and should prolly sneak in some stuff from Rosario's (they have beef patties and they'll put pepperoni & cheese in them for you if you ask). If you're actually going up to the bar for drinks, you're likely to get someone's attention by waving around a $20 and making noises like Kramer was when he was trying to get Mickey Mantle's attention in some TV show.
Official Website - here. Lil Wayne was talking about The Blue Seats' website when he ad-libbed "Check me out, look..." on the song "Always Strapped."
Food? How late- fuck, finally! Some of the best American-style tapas you'll be able to find in the LES no matter how many stones you turn over or kilts you peek under. Wait, we're talking about Stanton Social, right?
TVs? What's on - yeah, um, think so, um doi doi doi, duh duh, duhhhhhh. Derrrrr. Um, yeah I think a sports bar in New York City would have TVs, um hello?!?!
Guy:girl ratio - needs work.
Toys - knee-slappin, fist-bumpin, bro-hamin, beer-chuggin, Bucks-winnin, bill-payin, cab-callin, cock-yankin, tear-fallin.
Age of clientele - if anyone here is under 27, please join AmeriCorps and/or seek help before it's too late.
Space for dancing? - Visceralist always tries to reserve some space for dancing on the grave of the once-proud Wolverines who we seem to remember at one point actually stood a chance of beating Tressel's troops. But that's about it.
ID Check Procedure - if you're actually underage and try to sneak in here, you deserve everything you get. Yes, all the chips and the dip.
Music medium, style & volume
- if it's not a chant you could easily squeeze in between a turnover and a snap, you won't hear it here. So no Kid Cudi.
Specials or most popular drink- this isn't really a happy-hour type place, but they do have $0.25 wing nights pretty regularly. Check their sick-ass website for more.

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1 comment:

Big Jim Brown said...

There are no hourly booth charges (thankfully) but everything else is spot on.