Friday, July 10, 2009

Faces & Names

161 W 54th St # 1503
New York, NY 10019
(212) 217-0985

Bathroom situation
- one single person bathroom on the main floor, but it's tucked around the corner and camouflaged to blend in with the wall all Batman Begins style. Just look for the gold-plated doorknob coming out of nowhere. If you do manage to Where's Waldo it from the rest of the wall, however, you'll be treated to an expansive treat of a midtown-bar bathroom where you'll really be able to get some thinking done. Like "Did Obama really do that?" Plus they put some flowers in there!
Takes credit cards? - yeah, but make sure to not forget it (or anything else) there cuz their lost-and-found policy will have you straight trippin, boo.
Crowded on weekends? - Visceralist assumes that most midtown bars are empty on the weekends (like we'd actually go there then), but this one's close enough to Times Square that it might occasionally catch some spillover.
Seating - in a word, ample. 20ish stools around a squareish bar. A handful of booths and tables in the front room, but a gang more in the lounge-y area in back. Still, get here early during work-week happy-hour hours.
Neighborhood - the grab-a-drink-before-a-Broadway-show section of Midtown...sans cette vibe.
Type of crowd - during the week, your usual midtown garbage. Nothing against divorcees, the ugly friendless, and the stuck-up pretentious, but...
Pretentious/assholes - actually, not really. This isn't your typical midtown pub where drunk women beckon men like like it's a pre-code talkie from the 30s and the men have no better options than the drunk women drunkenly beckoning them...
Cost of Stella - six of them.
What time people start showing up - whenever old man Pennypincher takes a bathroom break after 5:30pm. Turn your neck for a sec, your dame's missin!
Bartender efficiency - the seats at the bar fill up fast, so you'll likely be trying to nudge your way in between a couple wannabe-brahs or wind up taking one of the tables and waitin on some wait-service. Either way, they're actually reasonably attentive to your imbiblical needs.
Official Website - here. Damn, virtual tours? Really? So 2002. Avatar's bout to drop, homey, step your shit up.
Food? How late - yes, some of the best sur-Applebees fare you'll be able to find on either side of 54th St. That's right, East or West.
TVs? What's on - a few at the bar in the main room, but not at all distracting for those of us who can actually form a thought and express it verbally in a public setting [ed. Us??]
Guy:girl ratio - fairly even but, if we may butcher a beautiful metaphor, most attendees dance & leave with the person they came with.
Toys - the seats in the lounge area in the back are plush than a muhfuh, so you can prolly get your waterbed on if no one's looking. But other than that, BYOT.
Age of clientele - people with their 10-year HS reunion well in their rearview...along with their hairline and first chin.
Space for dancing? - settle down, Astaire. Somehow, accidental or not, the seats here are perfectly placed to prevent any kind of move-bustin, crip-walkin, or running-man'in. So chilllll Winston.
Grimeyness - forgot to mention in the Bathroom Situation section above that there are actualy your standard multi-person M/W units downstairs as well that are also really well put together. Visceralist has never had to wait in a line here. Grimeyness is a non-issue too. Like Habeas Corpus in Cuba.
ID Check Procedure - n/a cuz 21-25 yr olds (and/or anyone who might even potentially look slightly underage) will not be showing up here.
Music medium, style & volume
- top 40 courtesy of the bartender (or the man behind the curtain or something), but not nearly loud enough to be obtrusive.
Specials or most popular drink - the "Packages" section of their website is a sight to behold. For instance, did you know you could get a one-hour open bar (well drinks) with 3 food choices for $26.95?! Fuck a $27! Nowwwww!

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