Thursday, July 30, 2009

Max Fish

178 Ludlow St. (btw Houston & Stanton)
New York, NY 10002
(212) 529-3959

Bathroom situation
- two or three single-person units in the back, replete with the tags, stickers & all-purpose grime that makes the LES so GD lovable. Women, make sure to stretch your thighs before heading here, cuz the hover-piss is a must.
Takes credit cards? - fuck you for asking.
Crowded on weekends? - does a chick hover-piss over a toilet in the LES?
Seating - 10ish stools at the bar, 3 or 4 plastic booths opposite the bar. Ample seating in the rear, though. Which is a good point. Somehow the front part is always dumb packed like people can't see that there's a huge area in the back. W'evs.
Neighborhood - next door to a newish luxury apartment called The Ludlow. Rents start at $3k, so if any of its residents are at Max Fish, it's prolly as a goof or something.
Type of crowd - Visceralist wants to dead the term "hipster" just like Jay-Z ended auto-tune. So yeah, tons of hipsters.
Pretentious/assholes - M'Fish seems to attract some spillover from the nearby Motor City, but other than that, most people here are sweethearts.
Cost of Stella - prolly like $6ish [ed. the fuck are we keeping this category for, it's the same every week] Cuz Stella's awesome.
What time people start showing up - 10ish.
Bartender efficiency - if they ain't putting any effort into serving bebidas frescas, Visceralist ain't putting any effort into talkin' 'bout 'em.
Official Website - here. Hilariously out of date, and really they should just take it down cuz that'll at least give them some mystique.
Food? How late - no, so keep your mom happy and line the ol' estomago before getting your Dean Martin on here. Also, tell her Visceralist says "Mwah!"
TVs? What's on - no, but the walls are busy enough to keep you looking good and distracted if you're here alone.
Guy:girl ratio - Leaning towards Guy.
Toys - Soulja Boy jumps out of bed and turns his swag on. Then! He looks in the mirror and says "What's up." What the fuck did you do this morning?
Age of clientele - if you have to ask, you're too old.
Space for dancing? - no, but can one really dance to the sound of a once-cool scene being so over? [ed. damn, what was that for?]
Grimeyness - picture next to dictionary entry, etc...
ID Check Procedure - they actually do have one of those dudes on the stool right by the entrance, but he doesn't have a scanner so it's fairly subjective. Hoochies need apply.
Music medium, style & volume
- combo iPod / Juke, but the Juke doesn't really work. As for the volume, there's no need to get your Andrew WK on or anything.
Specials or most popular drink - unless you got the hook up, or the pumps in the bumps, you're paying full price, loser.

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