Friday, September 25, 2009


169 Ave. A (btw 10th & 11th)
New York, NY 10009
(212) 420-8392

Bathroom situation
- 3 single-person rooms in the back that suffice extremely adequately. Kinda. The one on the far right is cozy-cramped up and has a red light (this is what's hot in the streets, Hi-Fi?), but is otherwise passable.
Takes credit cards? - Yelp says yes, so yes.
Crowded on weekends? - this spot is exceptional in that, compared to its pilsner-pushing neighbors, it's quite large. Because of this, it rarely gets uncomfortably packt like sardines in a crushed tin box [ed. that song sucks, btw]
Seating - 10ish stools at the bar and a gang of booths & tables on the left and in the back. They generally get occupied early tho, so if you're a short man you'll def want to wear those shoes with the heels (like RDJ here), cuz odds are you will be standing.
Neighborhood - right in the navel of the only section of the EV that actually has decent bars. That would be Avenue A and its tributaries.
Pretentious/assholes - most folks here are about as blase as this review is turning out. [ed. well pep it up then, dammit!]. A flash mob here would probably get ignored like a certain blog editor. [ed. ain't that a bitch]
Cost of Stella - half as much as your mom charges for some head in the Benz, bitch (so, $6 +tip). [ed. there it is! Now we're goin hard on these hoes!]
What time people start showing up - like with most aspects of this bar, a very average 10pm.
Bartender efficiency - fuck what the reviewers on Yelp are going through, Visceralist has never had any problems with having to wait too long for drinks here (and Visceralist is wild impatient in general). Which, btw, why is it that most Yelp reviewers are female?
Official Website - here. Wiggity wack like something from Geocities' hey-day back in the late 90's. BUT! They do have the whole list of albums available on their mp3 jukebox (more on that in a bit).
Food? How late - nope, nope, nope (shakes head no).
TVs? What's on - a couple over the bar, but nothing to fucking twitter @home about [ed. ooh, timely].
Guy:girl ratio - sorry to couch nearly everything in terms of Yelp reviews, but apparently a lot of people think that only hipsters hang out here. In reality, you're only getting your Kmart-Burger King-The Roots bumpin-health insurance-having hipsters here. The real hipsters who really go hard on these hoes only hang out in Carroll Gardens and Bushwick anymore, so fuck it.
Toys - pool table, pinball, buck hunter & a multi-game unit. Quarters and dollar bills is a must.
Age of clientele - let's just say late 20s and move on to the next one (Swizzy!).
Space for dancing? - probably but this is the kind of place where you really don't wanna be the first person to start dancing. The booths have eyes! And twitter accounts: #lamepeopledancinglamelylikereally?
Grimeyness - the lighting is too dim to really get a good sense, but it's not as shady as some of the Pentagon's deals with KBR [ed. ooooohhh dip, you didn't know Visceralist came political, did you?!]
ID Check Procedure - bouncer with the weight of the world written all over his face [ed. oooooh snap, poetical too, bitch!]
Music medium, style & volume
- now this is where Hi-Fi really brings the lasagna to the table. They allegedly were the first bar in NYC to have the type of digital jukebox that's now commonplace in most Broham bars in Murrary Hill. We'll give them that, but the problem is that if you pay to play a song at 9pm, you'll likely have to wait til you're leaving by yourself at 12am after getting kicked out for drunkenly putting your arm around the wrong chick's waist and playing the song on your iPhone as you walk home before you hear it. But its library is quite deep. Lots of Ryan Adams and David Bowie.
Specials or most popular drink - 2 for 1 drinks from 4pm - 8pm, but that's no good for most people, so fuck it.

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