Radegast Hall & Biergarten

113 N. 3rd St. (btw Wythe & Berry)

Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 963-3973

Bathroom situation - way in the back part on the left. Seems like there's usually a line for the women's so here goes a Visceralist pro-tip - the East River is just down the block, so...
Takes credit cards? - with aplomb.
Crowded on weekends? - The Weeknd's "Thursday" was kinda disappointing, no? Still, this guy's still the buzziest unsigned hype since 50, so he'll be ok. Visceralist prediction! Dude signs with some Universal subsidiary. OK, that's boring.
Seating - so this is the big payday here. They have a gang of benches for communal conviviality. Cool! The thing is, tho, that Radegast attracts big groups who'll want to devour a whole bench like everyone other than them hates sitting down. Still and all, just run up on the seats and sit...what are they gonna do, really? Tell on you? "Teacher, teacher! You forgot to give us homework!" Fuck outta here.
Neighborhood - row houses nearby. Not exactly like the B'more trap, but not entirely dissimilar. "How's my hair look? You look good, girl." Oof.
Pretentious/assholes - Visceralist was here on a recent Saturday afternoon and there was a whole big ol' cohort of polo shirts that were acting like they didn't have the sense God gave a mule. Some muthafuckas get a seat at the cool kids table and just lose their damn minds. That ain't bout shit.
Cost of Stella - they have more beers here than Will Arnett has fake hair on his head but Visceralist didn't see Stella listed at first glance, and then got distracted and that was that.
What time people start showing up - afternoons. This is one of those bars that you can tell folks you spent all day at without getting one of those "Oh dear..." looks in response. So what's all that now? Visceralist spends a day off at Welcome to the Johnsons and all of a sudden we're the asshole...oof.
Bartender efficiency - the bar in the main room is well-staffed, so no complaints there. The service in the "garten" area can be downright abominable tho...AND they get pissed if you take some initiative and go get beers at the bar and sit back down. Granted, this is a faux pas when you're at a wait-service table. But if the "service" is neither here nor there, what are you supposed to do? Also, these kinds of problems don't come up at Johnsons...just sayin'.
Official Website - here. Auto-play streaming video on the main page, which is a huge "do not do" but the rest of the site is clean enough.
Food? How late - oh yeah...with all the trimmings.
TVs? What's on - commenters, who you think is gonna get dead in the season finale of Breaking Bad? Someone's gotta go, right? Hope it's not Gus, but it'll prolly be Gus.
Guy:girl ratio - David Cross has this great bit where the punchline is essentially "So there's a baby in the bar. A baby. In the bar." We're butchering it here, but you get the idea.
Toys - dominant costume for H'ween '11 has to be between Jobs and Angry Birds, right? Gosling from Drive may be in the mix too?
Age of clientele - mostly around the realization-that-yes-this-is-all-there-is-...damn age.
Space for dancing? - man, don't even. Like really. Just...no. Please stop.
Music medium, style & volume - oddly, none. So if you happen to hear any, it'll be purely diegetic.
Specials or most popular drink - they have bloody marys here for some reason.

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Cam'ron "Get 'em Girls" Live Best Buy Theatre 9/30/11

Visceralist Review - "Drive" Movie & Soundtrack

Look at this fucking brilliant piece of insanity.

Berry Park

4 Berry St. (btw Nassau & 14th St.)

Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 782-2829

Bathroom situation - 1 M & 1 W units just to the left of the bar in the main room on street level. The M's has a glass holder built into the wall above the throne in the stall. Speaking of which, Visceralist spent hurricane Irene weekend marathoning the first season of Game of Thrones. How ill was that last scene with the dragon babies? You mad, Lannisters?
Takes credit cards? - Yelp says that they ain't 'bout this life here, but Visceralist can confirm that they most certainly are.
Crowded on weekends? - Visceralist is strictly house partyin' or out-of-townin' on the weekends these days, so we hope you didn't come here expecting a good answer here. If we had to guess though...we wouldn't.
Seating - plentiful.
Neighborhood - commenters, help us out. Anyone got a line on the spot No Name Bar that's around hereabouts? Drop us a line.
Pretentious/assholes - visible boxers is a must.
Cost of Stella - not present. Visceralist mad, bro.
What time people start showing up - back when he bothered showing up, Jamie Foxx told a story on Foxxhole radio about how he was throwing a huge house party (apparently he owns 40 acres in the LA area...replete with an avocado farm that generates enough income to pay the yearly taxes on the entire property) and at some point around 3am there was a turning point where he started going around tapping his guests on the shoulder and saying something like "Yo, it's time for you to make a decision. It's either go time, or time to go time." Meaning the party was about to turn a corner at the intersection of Coke & Lube streets.
Bartender efficiency - moderately understaffed, so...
Official Website - http://www.berryparkbk.com/
Food? How late - seasoned fries, which...
TVs? What's on - apparently the movie "Drive" : 2011 :: "Blue Valentine" : 2010 :: "Inglorious Basterds" :: 2009
Guy:girl ratio - LL Cool BP.
Toys - projector turns the street level main area into a sports bar.
Age of clientele - mostly folks in their mid-Greenpoints.
Space for dancing? - upstairs yes, but it is subtly discouraged.
Music medium, style & volume - disappointing 2nd & 3rd quarters so far. This Drake album better be the shiznick (pronounced like Larry David's dad in that Curb hooker episode where Larry buys weed from Hurley).
Specials or most popular drink - what are we gonna do with all this beeaaaahhhh?!

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The Weeknd - "Thursday"

Look at this fucking new piece of hot shit.

Download here.

White Star

21 Essex St. (btw Division & Hester)

New York, NY 10012
no digits

Bathroom situation - 2 downstairs, both with functional locks, so you don't have to worry about a replay of that one scene from the doll episode of Curb in season 2 where Larry's supposed to be watching the door while Cheryl's in the bathroom, then he gets distracted, then the plumber dude walks in on her "at the worst possible moment" (her words). God, that'd be the worst. Even for a dude.
Takes credit cards? - no, and they don't have an ATM either, so be sure to get your racks right before carrying your drinking problem across the threshold.
Crowded on weekends? - this place is smaller than a cherry's butthole, but somehow never gets too cramped.
Seating - 7 or 8 stools at the bar, and a backroom with plush seating for, say, 10-15.
Neighborhood - the off-the-grid, "Into the Wild" portion of the LES/Chinatown border. Cabs be scarce and women be shoppin.
Pretentious/assholes - do douches still pop collars? Visceralist hasn't seen this in a while, so we'll assume it's an artifact at this point. Hmmm...time for an ironic comeback? Commenters...?
Cost of Stella - you'll have to do that old trick where you sneak some in in a Snapple bottle then take a few cheeky swigs when the bartender isn't looking. Cuz they don't sell it here.
What time people start showing up - though White Star apparently has a fairly strong profile in general (126 Yelp reviews and counting), it seems to cater mostly to regulars who stop by, find out what the good word is, then peace in the middle east.
Bartender efficiency - this is a cocktail-driven bar, and the cocktails they slang are fairly elaborate (pestles fucking mortars), so bring your kindles.
Official Website - none. Btw, best Bodie line from the Wire - in Season 2 when they're running out of product and two of his underlings come around asking for severance pay because they haven't had any work in a while and Bodie's like "Y'all better go and get the hell on before I lose my composure out this bitch!"
Food? How late - though Bodie has a shaved head throughout most of the series, in the pilot he has his hair like Kobe's when he first got into the league. Most likely because the pilot was filmed separately from the rest of Season 1.
TVs? What's on - Visceralist still thinks they made Bodie a bit too sympathetic in Season 4, given what he did to Wallace, but he did get his predictable comeuppance, so...composure!
Guy:girl ratio - can't stop a woman from shoppin...
Toys - if Visceralist remembers correctly, there's a pole in the backroom. Work that core!
Age of clientele - skews 30s.
Space for dancing? - is pole-dancing really dancing or is it more narcissism in motion. Commenters?
Music medium, style & volume - they sometimes have a DJ here on the weekends, but usually you'll be treated to the bartender's iPod's essential best-of greatest hits.
Specials or most popular drink - try the Stevens Point Ale. We hear it's the bomb (#SantangeloSeason3Hamsterdam).

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Food Review: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Room 18

18 Spring St. (btw Elizabeth & Mott)

New York, NY 10012
(212) 219-0942

Bathroom situation - oof. One single, solitary unit in the back that caters to both Adam & Eve (which, btw, if they had two sons, how did the whole rest of the human race come from just them? Commenters, help us out here). For a space as large as this, in a neighborhood that gets as crowded as that and attracts a clientele as drunk as the third, this is an egregious oversight. Our advice: if you happen to find yourself here and you start feeling that familiar tingling sensation, just go somewhere else.
Takes credit cards? - yes, and with no discernible minimum, which is a pleasant throwback nostalgia good ol' days why isn't the Captain America movie coming out on July 4th?
Crowded on weekends? - Visceralist's first/last Room 18 experience was on a recent Friday evening. It was well after happy hour (happier hour?) and, hand to heart, hand on the Bible, all I have in this world is my word & my balls: it was pretty crowded. Enough has been said!
Seating - considering how many people they pack in here, the seating options are cantankerously limited. Flibbity-jibbet!
Neighborhood - if it can be said that SoHo has an edgy part, then Visceralist is gonna go ahead and say that Room 18 in the edgy part of SoHo. Not edgy to the point where you'd want to "tool-up" with the "biscuit" and be ready for some potential "ratchet-time" just in case it "goes down," but you might want to just double check that your wallet's actually still in your back pocket every now and then.
Pretentious/assholes - though Room 18 is the kind of nondescript SoHo hangout spot that typically does attract its fair share of Sean Parker wannabes, Visceralist didn't find anything worth fretting over.
Cost of Stella - now! Now we'll tell you why we've so far been so salty about Room 18. There's really no other way to put it other than to just come right out and blurt it right on out: cans of Tecate are 6 "Samuel L. Jackson" dollars! Each! So the first thing Visceralist did upon hearing that the two cans we just asked for would run us $12 - that is, after the smelling salts took effect and we freshened up in the restroom (after waiting in line for 10 minutes) - was to launch into a lecture that began "Where do you get off?!" And that's exactly what we did. Wait, no, that's not what we did. We paid for it with a credit card and a smiled while doing it. Fuck Our Lives.
What time people start showing up - Visceralist got there 12ish the other night and it was already gilled to the packs. Ugh, $6 for a fucking Tecate! 6! And we ain't talking Blossom's friend! Even Blossom's friend Six would know better than to charge that much for a can of that particular brand of micturition. And she was dumb enough to have a crush on Joey Whoa! And he was dumb enough to put out that terrible single that helped his album go quadruple platinum! The fuck??!
Bartender efficiency - Visceralist has never worked as a bartender, but we imagine that when it gets crowded at a place like this, from their point of view it must look like E. Honda's "100-hands" special move, with each hand annoyingly clutching a $20. Commenters, is this accurate?
Official Website - Google & Yelp say that they have room18ny.com, but they either forgot to renew their domain recently, or forgot to not be idiots, cuz their site is currently one big piece of spamshit.
Food? How late - they apparently have some nibbles earlier in the evening, but the Yelpster community says that they're nothing to resign from US Congress over.
TVs? What's on - no NBA for like the next 4 months, so no need to have a TV, we suppose.
Guy:girl ratio - airtight.
Toys - 6 fucking dollars...ssmh (the first "s" is for "still").
Age of clientele - well, it's SoHo, so you know it's all about 30 year-olds and the 50 year-olds that tolerate them.
Space for dancing? - if they persist in charging $6 for cans of Tecate, then the only dancing that Visceralist is interested in is the "Ottoman hump" dance that we'll be doing on Room 18's grave when they finally go under.
Music medium, style & volume - why isn't there a foursquare for music?
Specials or most popular drink - if they even have Stella here, it's probably like $22 a bottle or something. Fuck's sake...