Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Skinny

174 Orchard St.
New York, NY 10002
(212) 228-3668

Bathroom situation
- 2 unisex bathrooms in the back, both of which are moderately tore down but still BJ-able.
Takes credit cards? - yes, though keep in mind if you forget it there, they don't open up til 5pm the next keep some PowerBars at your place just in case you have to hustle out quickly in order to impress someone, but still wind up going home alone and don't have any money the next day [ed. TMFI].
Crowded on weekends? - psshaw....yes.
Seating - fyi, this is a very narrow bar with 8 or so seats in the front, followed by a long bar with 10-12 seats and a lounge area in the back (near the stinky bathroom, pew) which seats roughly another 10. There is an upstairs area that has a few more seats but they're usually taken cuz the billiards-playing table is up there.
Neighborhood - it's on one of the two blocks in the LES that's still in mid-gentrification mode.
Type of crowd - the quintessentially non-descript.
Pretentious/assholes - nothing to worry about here. Except near the bathroom which can get dicey if there's a line and you see two girls come out together after being in one of the bathrooms for 10 damn minutes, fuckin heffas.
Cost of Stella - wanna say $6ish...
What time people start showing up - 11ish, only on the weekend tho.
Bartender efficiency - they usually have two working the spigots, but because the bar is so narrow near the bar, it gets uncomfortably and frustratingly tight easily. Best bet is to try to stick near one of the ends. But don't wave at the bartenders, stick with the eye contact and that smile your mom loves to see.
Official Website - here. Fairly streamlined, info on weekly "parties" & drink special prices. Plus a gallery that takes forever to load and isn't worth it.
Food? How late - no, but don't think they'd hate on you if you brought in a couple slices from Rosario's across the street (best pizza in the LES, btw).
TVs? What's on - no TVs, but they sometimes project old cult movies or their friends' video art projects on the wall.
Guy/girl ratio - 55/45.
Toys - Pool table in the little loft upstairs. But the real payday is the multi-game tables in the front which have this 4x4 tic-tac-toe shit and other good shit to keep you from actually connecting with your friends.
Age of clientele - 19 year olds looking for sugar-daddies and the 40-somethings who rent toupees for the weekend that are willing to oblige.
Space for dancing - Oh hell no. Crazy too what with all the "parties" they "throw."
D├ęcor - Deep, dark red. Yet oddly inviting.
Grimeyness - you know how lazy 20-something guys only brush their teeth like 3 times a week or when they have something important to go to? Think of that as an analogy here.
ID check procedure - Ever-present bouncer. Visceralist DOES NOT suggest bribing him with delicious Rosario's pizza if you're underage.
Hood specificity - If you're familiar with the Short North in Columbus, it's sorta like that.
Music medium, style & volume - god damn, how Visceralist wishes they would play some music with an 808 in it every now and then. But they don't. They do play a lot of 70s-80s indie/brit rock tho.
Specials or most popular drink - happy hour: $3 well drinks - $3 bud, bud light - $4 Red stripe, Stella and all other bottle beers. $1 off all other drinks (5-9p).

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