Friday, August 28, 2009

The Whiskey Ward

121 Essex St (btw Rivington & Delancey St.)
New York, NY 10002
(212) 477-2998

Bathroom situation - two in the back, both unisex. The one in the back is much roomier, but Visceralist has heard rumors that the mirror in there is two-way. Again, these are just rumors. So that's not actually libel.
Takes credit cards? - yes, for like a $22 min. Something we overheard the bartender say to some button-ups some night who clearly weren't gonna protest that.
Crowded on weekends? - yes, but with folks who don't know any better, so they'll actually say "Excuse me" instead of "I will fuckin slap the color out your damn face if you dont..." if you bump into them.
Seating - 15ish stools at the bar, plus two or three tables to the left, but really there's so much open-air here, you'll want to stand around and quorum.
Neighborhood - literally the armpit of the every fucking possible fucking way.
Type of crowd - If you have more than one button in your whole outfit, kill yourself.
Pretentious/assholes - the crowd here isn't cool enough to be pretentious. So don't worry Midwest, no one's gonna call you out your name about your damn Gap shit.
Cost of Stella -no esta aqui.
What time people start showing up - on the earlier side, like 8-9ish. The folks here have double chins that they accidentally dip in the weak sauce.
Bartender efficiency - if a fuck ignores a cunt in an uncool part of the LES, does it make a fuckin noise?
Official Website - here. Pedestrian. BTW, William F. Buckley is a boring cunt whose philosophy was mostly wrong.
Food? How late - no kitchen here. You're better off encouraging the pre-60's feminine instincts your gf might be feeling if she watches a lot of Mad Men.
TVs? What's on - Da Bears....
Guy:girl ratio - not that great. The decor here acts as a colander for any hot chicks who are actually aware that they're hot. But what's left...a lot of exes.
Toys - pool table which people with necks will mostly try to not make eye contact with as they walk by it to the bathrooms.
Age of clientele - they'll never admit it, but mostly folks whose first experience with Lil' Wayne was the outro to "Back Dat Azz Up."
Space for dancing? - If you're reading this, you don't want none of this.
Grimeyness - you'll get over it.
ID Check Procedure - laughable (laudable?).
Music medium, style & volume
- If you've ever complained about Justin Timberlake, welcome home.
Specials or most popular drink - "Whyskey Flights"'re either in good company or on your own, B.

View Larger Map

No comments: