Thursday, January 28, 2010

Macri Park

462 Union Ave (btw Conselyea & Metropolitan)
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 599-4999999999

Bathroom situation
- they have two unisex rooms downstairs that prolly start the night out nice, but by 12:30 they're basically refugee camp status. Not sure if this is still the case, but the two rooms used to share a somewhat fancy it was built in the middle of the wall separating the two. This left a small space through which you could see into the other bathroom. It's almost as if they designed the bathrooms by starting with a glory hole and working around that...then sobered up halfway through the construction and were like "Ooooh dip! What we finna do?!" It kinda works tho. There's also a solo unisex joint near the entrance to the backyard on the left side.
Takes credit cards?- if you're still using credit cards in today's economy, your life is going way better than Visceralist's. Damn. Can we hold $20? That's the cc min here btw, so if you're using one, we know you got it. So why you holding out on us? that's what friends are for?
Crowded on weekends? - people tend to walk by this place w/o even realizing it's there, so it doesn't get too stupid.
Seating- 10ish seats at the bar and a gang of boothsthroughout that are arranged nice and efficiently. Plus in the warmer months, the backyard is open and replete with several picnic tables and permeated with the fucking awesome scent of cigarette smoke.
Neighborhood- the part of WBurg that thinks it'd be stupid to diss Kanye, cuz even his superficial raps are super-official. "Cuz I dookie-dong any song that they threw me on!" - Kanye Omari West c. 2005
Pretentious/assholes - where you act up...that's where you get smacked up.
Cost of Stella- prolly like $6. Funny cuz we're actually gonna go here this weekend, but wanted to knock this review out now instead of waiting to actually go there and remember what stuff's like so we can be accurate in this review. But hey...if it works for the NYPress...
What time people start showing up - hard to say cuz this place is rarely packed to the gills.
Bartender efficiency- the bar's surface area takes up a relatively small percentage of the overall square footage of this place, so you'd think it'd be all "Fuck, I gotta flash a $20 bill to get someone's attention out this bitch." Kinda like it is in Soho, or Meatpacking or Grammercy or Murray Hill or any of those other super official neighborhoods in NYC that everyone loves going to cuz there are never any problems and you always (ALWAYS) have a great time even though you were unsure of going there cuz technically you weren't invited, but it was an open-invite Facebook event and that one chick said she was a 'Maybe', so fuck it, nothing to lose...
Official Website - none, and this place doesn't really even need one cuz it's so " ". Visceralist only remembered this place cuz we happened to be Facebook "invited" to a party here this weekend.
Food? How late - not really, but there's a great Peruvian restaurant around the corner. We forget what it's called tho.
TVs? What's on - yes, they got one of them thangs. So you can watch Judge Joe Brown start every sentence with "Now you mean to tell me..."
Guy:girl ratio- all the bartenders here are female and there's like 15 of them, so if you're a dude here you'll prolly be outnumbered. And they're totally really flirting with you cuz they think you're cute, btw. God, you're so interesting. Now how come you're still single? So, you're here for Mike's bday, right? Oh nice, who do you know here? Oh...well, who invited you then? Oh...(to the guy standing behind you) what can I getcha?
Toys - glory hole in the bathroom.
Age of clientele- spend enough time here and you'll be like "Ha, really do still move to NYC and get waiter jobs while trying to be actors and writers and shit. Fuck...thought Sex and the City and Vice Magazine put an end to that shit....ah well."
Space for dancing? - the booths & tables seemed almost perfectly arranged to prevent any dancing from taking place. Bloomberg's Cabaret laws for the W.
ID Check Procedure - not sure that we've ever encountered one.
Music medium, style & volume
- lots of times it's the bartender's iPod, but they also do occasionally get DJs here too. Either way, no need to listen to "Lovesong" (or any Echo & The Bunnymen, for that matter) on your iPod on the way over.
Specials or most popular drink - prolly some shit, who knows. Write your own damn bar review, shit.

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