Thursday, July 29, 2010


285 Bedford Ave (btw S 1st St. & Grand St.)
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 599-5965

Bathroom situation
- 3 or 4 unisex single-person units in the back with a communal sink. So, question-time commenters, when you see a guy & girl come out of one of the b-rooms together, do you think it's more likely they're doing coke or doing the pants-on-the-ground lambada (that's the forbidden dance)? Cuz they damn sure ain't doin both. Food for thought, but Visceralist gets annoyed either way.
Takes credit cards? - (Teddy Riley voice) Yep Yep.
Crowded on weekends?- yeah, the weekend is when this spot gets sweaty. The bouncers do a good job of keeping it from getting downright unruly, but "accidental" ass grabs will def be a must, trust.
Seating - this place prolly has one of the highest booth : square-foot ratios of any bar of its kind in the wburg diaspora. That said, you'll still have almost no chance of getting a seat at one unless your clique got there sometime that's not up in the between 11pm and 2am [ed. the grammar police just called in the grammar SWAT team after reading that sentence...smh].
Neighborhood - On the border between the tan-with-your-top-off part of Williamsburg and the clutch-your-pearls part of Williamsburg. That's a metaphor. No, but really...
Pretentious/assholes - the dance floor is usually pretty audacious (more on that later), so it seems like most folks here check their middle school insecurity at the door.
Cost of Stella -fuck, Visceralist got here at like 2am on a Saturday night recently (got a booth), but we're blanking. Prolly cuz we got here at like 2am on a Saturday night.
What time people start showing up- the Yelp reviews of this place are just *mwwwahh* in their would-be precociousness. Check out Vinci from the BX's review in particular. Reviews like this are why Visceralist started
Bartender efficiency - you'll def be waiting for a bit (even when the dance floor is jumpin) but just a bit.
Official Website - here. It asks you to visit their Facebook, but doesn't provide a link or re-direct. Might as well link to their fuckin Orkut page...
Food? How late - does water count? [ed. No, and you know it doesn't.] Cuz they have that at the sinks.
TVs? What's on- nope, so no bootleg Inception viewin' for you. Visceralist's mind was the scene of an orgasm, btw.
Guy:girl ratio - girls tend to get harassed on the dance floor here, but still come in droves, so what does that tell you...
Toys- you can smoke in the "porch" area out front.
Age of clientele - how old is too old, really? Kobe's 31 and Lord of the Fuckin Rings, so what does that tell you...
Space for dancing? - yeah, so this is really the only reason to come to this place. Best dance spot in the Burg-burg. Gully. Juice.
Music medium, style & volume- DJ'd and hip hop to the break of dawn, like come on now. That they're in Wburg and play hip-hop all night makes Savalas an oasis in a desert of bland that shit's gonna come back. Fuck the fuck outta here with all that bougie...
Specials or most popular drink - Killa said he's heroin (pronounced "hair-ron") and sex in one...dope as fuck!

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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Woodward Gallery

133 Eldridge St (btw Delancey & Broome)
New York, NY 10002
(212) 966-3411

Many thanks to the fine folks at for inviting Visceralist to this year's Collect LES Gallery Crawl. We'll narrow the focus of this post to one of the host sites, Woodward Gallery, but purely for the sake of brevity. The venue could've used slightly more a/c and the free wine was on some Robert Mondavi Jr. stee, but the gallery-crawl maps they handed out doubled superbly as hand-fans (shouts out to card stock) and the free wine was free, so. The curating, though, was impeccable and Visceralist was especially drawn to the Duchamp x Haring stylings of LA II (Woodward's current exhibit "The Great Outdoors" closes this Saturday, so hustle over there, young'ns). Photos below.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010 Collect LES Art-Crawl

This Thurrrsday!

From The “Collect” events are private one‐night art open houses devoted to introducing new collectors and art lovers to art communities across NYC. Following events in Williamsburg, Soho and Dumbo, Collect LES is’s seventh Collect event and is expected to bring over a thousand art enthusiasts to experience the vibrant art community of the LES of Manhattan.

Collect LES is a 21+ event. Tickets are $20. The schedule is as follows:

Check-in: Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

6:30 - 8:30pm

6:30 - 8:30pm


7:00 - 9:00pm
Complimentary access to the New Museum’s exhibitions

6:30 - 9:30pm
Gallery crawl to over 20 galleries

9:00 - 10:00pm
Happy Hour & After Party at Panda Bar
9:30 - 10:30pm
Happy Hour & After Party at Gallery Bar


Friday, July 16, 2010

White Slab Palace

77 Delancey (btw Allen & Orchard)
New York, NY 10002
(212) 334-0193

Bathroom situation
- immediately to your right when you enter you'll find 3 single-person closets and a communal sink. The one that Visceralist went into the other night only had the swanky urinal you see above, so we'll assume that the universal symbol for the male was on the door somewhere. In any event, if you find that you need to sit on something and ponder the vagaries of human nature [ed. we like to keep the fecal-talk to a minimum 'round here, so...], you may have to go into the closet with the dress-wearing image on the door (or they may have "Ladies" & "Gentlemen" placards on the doors here, we're a little fuzzy on this).
Takes credit cards? - no, which we'll grudgingly chalk up to WSP's current coming-of-age status. For now. Really, there's no reason for places in the LES to not take credit cards. Which, btw, Visceralist thinks we got roasted at Rosario's the other day. Commenters, what do you make of this: we ordered two slices, dude said the total was $7 (which is somewhat suspect, but ok, recession, whatever). We give dude a $20, he comes back and hands us $13 then immediately drops some change in the tip jug. Which made us think, "Wait, didn't this particular combination of slices usually cost $6.50 or $6-something before?" Is this a new thing? Tips is a must? Or is Visceralist just too busy recklessly eyeballin' some Summer-in-NYC spaghetti straps, and not paying attention to what's going on at the cash register? No shots either way...
Crowded on weekends?- yeah, and this is the odd thing. There's a dense encampment of folk that seem to congregate near the entrance on the weekends, which becomes a genuine NYC Clusterfuck. Granted, the bathrooms are near here, but still. There's a whole back room that no one seems to know about or acknowledge. SMH.
Seating - White Slab is deceptively spacious. The place is actually a normal-ish Scandinavian restaurant for brunch & dinner [ed. it transforms into full-on bar mode in the evenings, or at least close enough for Visceralist's purposes.], so there's a hamburger's helping of tables in the main room. 10-15 high-stools are at the bar. PLUS! There's an under-utilized back room which is just as wide-loady as the main room. For some reason they don't really go out of their way to point people in the direction of the back room, so ain't nothin goin on back there but the rent. Plus it seems slightly ominous for some reason.
Neighborhood - the section of the LES that's on a bit of a come-up lately. Casa Mescal is right around the corner and perennial Visceralist fave Chloe is but a block away. Note, however, that WSP on the side of Delancey that's difficult to catch a cab on [ed. prepositions ain't a must]. Opt for the north side if you really need to tip on outta there in a hurry.
Pretentious/assholes - Holy Moly. This is sorta to be expected at new LES hotspots, so it'll be another 9 months or so before WSP gets taken over by the khaki clique.
Cost of Stella -they don't get down, that's a no-go, ho. The bartender recommended a Radeberger as a replacement, but really worries tho cuz Visceralist always keeps a green bottle of that "Stella...I love you" taped to the thigh for situations just such as this. We get it iiiinnnnn.
What time people start showing up- Visceralist was able to find a table for 2 in the main room at like 11pm on a recent Friday nite, but it was only through sheer luck. Extrapolate from that what you will and then add salt to taste.
Bartender efficiency - this place has actually managed to engender some of the most fervent bile on Yelp when it comes to the efficiency of service (for both food and drink) that Visceralist has seen in a while. From Visceralist's experience, this seems mostly apt. We'll leave it there.
Official Website - here. An abomination. Visceralist was actually considering cutting this place some slack until we saw their lazy & SMH-inducing site. In a move that rivals Lebron's "The Decision" in terms of audacious, oblivious triflin, they have the option of making reservations through the site with a deposit of $100 via Paypal. $100 - $1,500 that is. Just the unprecedented gall of this is truly gob-smacking. Not only that, the rest of their site is under fucking construction. Welp White Slab, like Homer said in the "Flaming Moe" epsiode, "You just lost yourself a customer!." To which Moe responded (over multiple cash-register ch-ching noises), "What was that?"
Food? How late - yes, this place is an allegedly-functioning "Scandinavian" restaurant (shouts out to Marcus Samuelsson). Uff da!
TVs? What's on- they were showing World Cup 2010 matches in the back room, but it was likely just a temporary thing. Shouts out to Vuvuzelas. Fuck what everyone else is going through, Visceralist wants them to catch on at NFL games this season.
Guy:girl ratio - are the t-shirts that are retrofitted to look like tank-tops really the hot shit in NYC this summer? Really? Oh word?
Toys- UC Lounge (down the street) got a pool table recently. Check that out.
Age of clientele - firmly 30s...which ain't bad actually cuz the LES needs spots that aren't overrun with the kind of youngsters who only appreciate slap-bracelets ironically cuz they weren't around when they were actually the hot shit.
Space for dancing? - 1,000 times no.
Music medium, style & volume- not sure cuz the crowd noise was actually louder. This place brings out the lout in people for some reason.
Specials or most popular drink - they don't have Stella here, so Visceralist heartily and joyously encourages flasks on the low-low.

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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Lebron to MIA

Look at these fuckin' bitch-made ass Bad Boy bitches.

Thursday, July 1, 2010